Everyday

Quite recently, I've been feeling angry at myself. Angry at the things I would have done, could have done and should have done. I'm more angry at my failures because I used to just laugh it off as if it was nothing. Now, it's different. Now, I want fix my mistakes, I want to be able to feel like I've actually accomplished something over putting it off and saying "Oh you know, i still have time." I know that i may be running out of time.

I get angry at the smallest things, an example of this is me looking at my table. It is a mess. I know that many people out there have messy tables, but the fact is I'm not angry at the table. The table makes me think about myself, which is currently failing in every aspect(that being said, views will change over time, and i didn't want to sound pessimistic).

I don't know why i am so angry with myself. Maybe it's the lack of progress, or maybe it's because I am just sitting around and doing nothing. That may be the cause of all this anger.

We are all getting old

So recently i looked at my dad's hair colour, it was greyer than usual. It really makes me sad to know that one day someone bad will happen. So, i want everyone to know that: one day we all will grow old and die. DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR PARENTS BEFORE THEY DIE! REGRET NOTHING! DO EVERYTHING YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE AND BEFORE YOU REGRET NOT DOING ANYTHING WITH THEM. Remember, although we all die at one point, we want to live our life to the fullest. That means, doing things for others especially for those who have done so much for us. I want to make my Mum and Dad proud before they die or before anything bad happens to them. I wrote up this post because yeah, it hit a gigantic emotional point in my body.

Camp

Camp was awesome! I think i had bonded closes to many people i wasn't close to but yeah idk. But that being said CAMP WAS AWESOME!!
So the story went along the lines of this:
Went on bus trip, was alright nothing special. Was kind of quiet though.
Arrived there picked our cabins and everyone had a random activity group because well we never had a decision to make our own group, or it was because the PE staffroom wasn't organised enough to give us a group.
Then we went to do our activities. My first one was Crossroads session. was not fun but hey, at least that was out of the way.
The second activity was challenge ropes where we had to go through obstacles at high altitudes.
LOL OMG SIMONE WAS THE FUNNIEST AT THE CHALLENGE ROPES, SHE SCREAMED THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE THING(sort of).
We had dinner, it was crap.
Then we had challenge night. Challenge night was awesome because our team won, I wanted to name our team poor hub but everyone agreed on Epic Fail. I think Friday won the most points for us.
And then we went sleep
The next day:
I had crossroads session again. was boring, half of us were half asleep.
then we had flying fox, man that was fun! but it was too short D:
We had lunch again, it was still crap
After we did mud world and kayaking. MUD WORLD WAS SOO DAMN DIRTY!! kayaking was funny because i kept on splashing at Jessica. After camp I still had black shit in my nose but hey it was awesome. After kayaking i tried to learn a new move but failed. I also tried to practice my hand stands.
We had disco later that night
Disco wasn't the best but hey i tried to get vincinet and david to dance but couldn't. I bboyed a bit at the disco.
The next day dablan was freaking annoying, went around knocking on the door shouting "WAKE UP" repeatedly.
We had leap of faith and abseiling. Abseiling was the only one that made me even partially scared.
Food was shit, nothing i generally liked.Not even the cereal.
After we did all that we went home, half of us were sleeping on the bus.

Overall camp was awesome! we had mad as instructors and yeah watching people scream was funny.

Camp soon

Excited but most likely will be disappointed because of the rain T_T
ahh well needa make a to buy list

Disney period

After a day of dancing i felt like going into a Disney period LOL idk

Looking back even further...

I've realised that i used to be really good at things i.e. chess, netball etc. but since I've stopped practising, my skills degraded. In fact, it has degraded so much that i consider myself a failure at life. Recently though I've been getting better at bboy and bball with practice. So looking back I've realised that with practice you can achieve what you're after. YOU JUST NEED INSPIRATION AND MOTIVATION!

Moral of this post: Look back at your past from time to time. Don't forget it, you will be missing a lot of valuable knowledge which you may have not obtained if you did not remember your past. Also don't linger in your past for too long. Your past is your past, not your present, not your future.

One person to look up to; real or not

If there was one person who i could and would look up to then it would definitely be Natsu. Why? Simple, He never gives up, never backs down, always trying to be the best, he is naive but he can learn, and last but not least he always beats the bad guys at the end.

Reason why i look up to him and not anyone else? well because he isn't real, the writers can perfect him unlike other humans. and because he has a lot of the characteristics i have but i don't fully use i.e. he never gives up... i know i have that but i chose to give up easily.

Something that i've been meaning to post

Time passes quickly doesn't it? It all seems like everything just happened in a flash, when in reality some things that we do feel like a lifetime. Remember the times when as a kid you would say something like 'When I grow up I want to be like my dad' or 'I will accomplish something no one has ever accomplished'? I once was like that too, well at least back then, it was fun. I don't know, I'm just posting this because I am super relaxed at the comment and feel like typing something that is apparently deep and meaningful.

Note: I pretty typed this up at 1am on September 9th and after that i just never bothered to type it up on the computer.

You don't try enough

So lately most, if not all, of my friends have been suceeding heaps in life and i'm here trying and failing. I still don't know what i'm good at... Maybe one day when i finally realise/find out what it is then yeah. That being said. I don't actually try hard enough.. I'm too afraid to fall, I'm too afraid to be injured. One day I will overcome this fear to become a better dancer.

Short post, haven't had the urge to post anything lately.

Heck, i don't even know anymore

Lately, i've been really anti-social. Why? i'm not too sure to be honest. Maybe it's because of the fact that i am not as social in my year anymore... i don't know....

I know this will sound crazy. But...

I want to find a place, like an underground room. where i can just go to when i am sad or pissed or just feel like relaxing. Somewhere close to a neighbourhood and not too far down an alley way. Somewhere where i can just go to and not be scared of the time being midnight and being killed by a serial killer. A place like street uni... but more to myself and to an even smaller group of people. A place where it is not run by staff or anything... just a group  of friends who know each other well enough to just hang out. A quiet place, separate from the world.

Everyone needs to visit this website

http://amitaytweeto.com/thequietplace/

It is nothing scary, so don't worry about it. Okay, I haven't posted in a while... I know I haven't really had anything to post. Come on, if I did post something it would be something like " WHY CAN'T I HAVE CONFIDENCE!!" and etc. So this place is actually kind of true, we humans do not do things the way we used to any more. I used to walk to school all the time and enjoy it, I still do. but it's not the same. I feel as though I've stopped being social due to all the so called 'Social networks'. That been said.. I try to do other things rather than go on social networking sites all the time. I.E. dancing etc.

I'm going to sum up a few things that life and other observations has taught me:
- We have built a structure so rigid that every day people like us cannot be free any more. There are only a few that are truly free, the rest are still stuck in this materialistic nightmare.
- Freedom is achievable, yet it is only achievable if we chose to break free from this world and do something we truly wish to do

It's time for a change

Recently i've been thinking a lot about my past. Aparently according to my dad i almost died due to my body cooling down dramatically, but with luck my uncle came home early on that and drove me to the hospital and due to that i lived. LOL my life sounds like harry potter doesn't it? The boy who survived a seizure has come to die! LMAO. No but seriously, i almost died when i was 3-4 years old(possibly younger). Thinking about my near death experience(even though i have no recollection of it) i now understand how precious life is and how it can all be changed by one action or by a stroke of luck. i now know to change myself and risk everything, because i might have lost everything as a kid if it wasn't for that stroke of luck.

It's sad

That humans can be so human(yes this is an insult), why is it that the government/media tries to portray us in an environment where we have to be number one, other people will work for us. Why can't society stop being so stupid and think 'they know better' when they clearly don't. I'm not saying i know a lot but i know that the road we are taking will lead us to our destruction. In a way if 2012 was real then I would be kind of glad for it.

Normally.

Normally I would think that when people say something like "Please 2011, be a good year to me," that it is stupid. Think about it; how good your year is to you is determined what you do during that year. But for year 12 I personally will make it a good year, since i knew year 11 wouldn't be a good year since I was just experimenting with stuff during that year but now since i have finalised everything I have a plan that i am willing to follow through. So i can say that year 12 will be a good y ear for me because i have nothing to pull me down and nothing to hold me back(unlike certain teenagers which in their case i feel kind of sorry for them<- some of which have it really bad, as you would probably know).

I should just stop running

So for the past few months I've been lying dormant trying to hide myself. trying to not be noticed but just today i kinda realised that running away is not the right choice, it will catch up to you and haunt you. I don't know :/... maybe it's all in my head. Look I'm going to stop running and continue where i left. i know things won't be the same... but still... i wonder about how things will turn out.

idk i was typing this in bed last night soo yeah...

Listen kid, if you're ever feeling down, alone or not worthy, just remember one thing. There was once a kid like you too. He was disliked because one person hated his guts and the rest of the them only hated him because they were all dead fishes following this person's stream. This boy eventually followed the stream until a spark of light appeared. This spark changed everything, he stopped following the stream and became alive again and realised that not many people are different. everyone experiences pain, not many realise how similar we all are. He sees this now but it was not always like that. Just remember, you're not alone.

Fear should not be a weakness.Rather, it should be something you learn from.

Yeah i'm not very original but still i sometimes wonder if someday i will become strong and do something other than playing games 24/7(not that i do but generally speaking)

Yeah lol soo that quote really inspired me

Pointless post

So one or two days ago i decided to reactivate my facebook. today i looked through the posts and etc... and i remember why i deactivated it. my reason is similar to many other people : Facebook annoys me with its stupidity(well actually it is because of some of the people who use it(not all)). An example(not listing any names) would be someone who is going to deactivate it but decided to post something about it(idk if it was for attention or it was an informative post). I just find these pointless posts annoying. That is my reasoning, but other than that... well yeah facebook games are alright... and i deactivated my facebook again today(btw i'm posting it here so people can't call me a hypocrite because you don't know my real name and well i don't know you and you read this because you wanted to).

so yeah pointless post... end of story kthxbai.

I'm happy, I really am.

So recently I've been thinking about stuff and I've realised that my life is so much better than what it was a few years back(actually it is because I've been watching Natsume Yuujinchou San and i can relate to his story so much that it's not even funny). Back then people were nice to me, yet i was just too shy to talk back to them, but as i grew i can say that high school has taught me heaps and I've found friends who i can be myself around. Yes, i keep secrets but come on.... who doesn't? So yeah I have to thank everything that has helped me become what i have become. Yeah I'm not one of those sad stories that are like "I was so happy as a kid but as i grew up I met the wrong people and turned out really bad." the point of this post was to show how just because your childhood was bad doesn't mean your life will be horrible as you grow up. trust me there is hope, no matter how hard it is to believe you just have to wait. as a kid I thought the same but i grew up to realise things take time... as someone has said to me before: "Take your time, don't rush it. It will looks better if you work on it slowly rather than rushing through it"(actually the context that it was said in has nothing to do with this story but yeah it kinda fits(somehow)).

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE??!!?

argg =/ fml I should be out there doing something that I love, not gaming here. I don't know what happened but I started to find gaming REALLY REALLY boring, because its so damn repetitive but here's what bugs/annoys me the most: when i have something important to do i don't do it and i would rather just game or something, when i have nothing to do it is pretty much " i have nothing to do!

just a short post, idk just felt like writing something up

EDIT: yeah, after re-reading that i kinda realised it was copied from a movie that i watched in English class(name of movie:death of a salesman< even though it was technically a play).

Don't ever let go of what you have

Moral of the title: If you want something, go get it!

Random quote: Don't throw something important away, because once it's gone, it's gone.

reason why i posted this: something happened today which was important

Really true post i found on tumblr

  A best friend of the opposite sex

In my opinion, this is like the best type of relationship you can get. Just being able to play jokes on someone and having a person to kick it with all the time feels so good. I also prefer it over a guy to guy friendship (or girl to girl) because it’s so much easier to talk about your problems with the opposite sex.

Source: omgphantastic 

Yeah so i just read this... and well questioned about why i couldn't maintain an old friendship, now my friendship with this special friend is different :/

Alone..

I know i've posted posts about my past before but this one i am just posting because it is approximately 6:40am and i feel like typing up my feelings because i have no one to talk too(forever alone D: )< lol that looks like a smiley face. Okay i'll try to keep this as short as possible.

Something that sucks about my childhood was that i barely had any happy moments that involved friends, pretty much i enjoyed my time with my family the most. But now that i am all grown i can say that i am finally happy, i've found happiness.  Come to think of it i had one friend who I was very happy around. If anyone has read my first post ever on this blog then you would know that i was very lonely around the end of term 4 of my last year due to my friend dogging me because of one of my other "friend's" rumor. You know come to think of it why was i that guy's friend... i guess at times we were mean to each other but fark that cunt had to spread rumors about me even though i wasn't even liked by anyone already(although at the same time i wasn't hated either).

Okay scrap that, i remembered how i used to play games like runescape just to buy popularity, tch. i guess all that is in my past now and i should move on.

W/e i might edit this tomorrow and add more stuff(not likely though) imma go sleep because its 6:50 and the sun is comming up.

:/

Well, today i made one of my friends pissed :/ and here why the title is called ":/" well i don't know how to make a girl happy, blah :/ ... if only i knew T_T

Personality

My personality is oblivious, but this has been what makes me different from people who have contemplated suicide. Because I know so less, it makes me curious and not hurt, hell come to think of it i probably have a pretty painful life, but i don't see it like that. Why? because i'm oblivious and i don't know much about life, but still i know that thinking about killing yourself will not make life any easier.

From what I've seen in this world, there is a lot of bad BUT there is also a lot of good, you just need to know where to look or at least be lucky enough to know. Popular kids... well I guess some of them have found true happiness but others I know are just empty because they can't find someone close and since their life is so open they cannot live the way they want to(most of the time)

Sometimes it is better to have few friends rather than having 21312129032108 friends, i found this out second hand originally but i still kept on chasing it and i eventually found out first hand.

Hell, i'll tell my readers(if i have any) a story again, back when i was little i always thought that i was alone, because of my shyness... however as i grew i realised i was never alone, there were people there... people who used to be nice to me... lol heck i still keep my old personality as that annoying bastard.

Look, the moral of that story was that... some people actually don't notice what they have because of the darkness that covers them, but when they finally go outside of that area they will see how much light there was. However, this is not always the case for everyone as some people live in utter darkness.. i.e. people in the 3rd world who are going through war. BUT in saying that... you should keep on hoping for an escape because it will come.

Bragging rights

Okay so this post isn't going to be about other people who brag about their achievements, no, this post is going to be about me and purely me. I know I may sound up myself right now but think about it, no one I know in real life should know about this post except for two people which I still highly doubt they would check constantly.. LOL, no but seriously...ill try to not sound up myself or etc. in this post.

Okay so today(as posted in the post below) I was on the bus, MAN it was fun but i felt so up myself afterwards, because I was talking to Johnny Nguyen about PCYC in front of the girls in my year(my friend from Sunday school was right, it's better to have less girls because you tend to spend less time pressing them) but yeah... I said something that I shouldn't have said.. which was "Year 11s are lazy man :/," referring to the PCYC dancing thing and then Jack(this Aussie person who was also in my year) was like "HEY!" in an offended tone.

Yeah so the same thing happened in the library ALTHOUGH I actually thought about it during the time before I arrived at the library. Same shit happened I felt so fly in the library because of my soften friend. Which was a TERRIBLE decision after I reflected upon it.

So yeah, although I made that post about me being really shy and whatnot I ended up being up myself today == which was FUCKING THE WORST FEELING EVER :/, since mainly I like to be nice and conservative when I'm thinking(not to sound too cliché).

Notes that don't relate to the concept of this post:
-I somehow managed to spell 'Library' wrong several times by spelling 'Libary' instead
-I googled up some of those sophisticated words to make sure it was used in the correct context(but i knew them I just didn't know which word to use.

Notes relating to this post:
I will probably post this later on tumblr later tonight, in another format
i.e. have you ever .... and when you were in that situation you felt... and so on

Today

Well, today I went to the library... it was fun but i got no work done :/

so here's my day summed up in a few dot points(yeah I like using dot points)
-So I took the bus home(kinda bad mistake but it turned out all good in the end because of certain events)... lets just say i got a cupcake by someone special(btw at that very moment I felt like a stalker
because I used to know where she lived and etc...man that was bad :/)
-While on the bus I saw a car crash(well the aftermath) and like I bragged about PCYC(which was also bad<ill do a follow up post on this)
-After that i headed to the libary.. saw some friends and this girl that was also important
-I went in and man it was bad :/ i did half an excercise and yeah...
-Was going to goto trainstation but bumped into one of my old primary school friends and well caught up for like 5 minutes and apparently he was going to the library too.
-Went to Cabramatta to pick up some PCYC forms, went back home to pick up some stuff and back to library.... all this took about 30-40 minutes which apparently my friends said it was quick.
-Went back to libary... was distracted by my friend and sefton-ers
-Went inside and out of the building several times
-Went with the important girl to woollies and after I came back walked inside and outside some more
-Friend asked me to come with him to buy food and so i did...
-After all this everyoen decided to go home so yeah... i decided to go home as well(btw I pretty much did zero work except for organising my stuff and my maths hw)

and that my friends/followers/readers is my day... the most interesting day I've had all year.

I'm going to do a follow up post to think about today...

EP #2 stalking me

this week hasn't been a good week for me, for some reason i am getting too lazy
this week can be summed up by a few dot points(well hyphen points)
-Went to school... did same old shit(work,eat,socialise etc..)
-Went libary throughout the week
-Practice some moves
-Had tutor
-Donated blood
-Tried to be a good citizen and failed..

Just thoughts...

I'm just typing up what I'm thinking right now... whenever i get bored or don't feel like typing any more I'll stop typing and post it.

It has been a while since I've reminisced like this, I don't know... just now i was looking through my old 'Tommy's Folder' folder and realised how many memories I've kept over these past few years. I realised how much my past can affect my future, it has caused many realisations, one of which was how much I long for my past, so nolstalgic compared to now :/

I remember when i was in year 5... looking at that clock, thinking... when will this day end.. i know i will regret it in the future but until then.. yeah, i know this is a fact now but yet i still waste my life away(man wtf I'm sounding like some poet right now).

Hell, i even remember spending some time with my old best friend and thinking about how plants communicate, lol kind of stupid to let all those things pass, ahh well i guess i'll have to build up my future now, to not regret the past... i know that i've tried this like 5 times already and i've been failing all of them. I don't know whether to hold on to my past to to let go... but until then...ill find out... i'll probably post again in a while... or not post for a long time and do a double/triple post like i always do.

EDIT(5 minutes later): i'm curious as to why i post.. i wonder who even reads this...o-o seriously.. i saw 300ish views on this page and i'm wondering if 250 of thoose views were from randoms clicking onto my page or someone who actually comes to visit my page because they are curious about my life... idk i guess i'll never find out..

Also i should probably try to get closer to people rather than push them away.... wow i spent 30 minutes writing this up

My life

I don't know, tests for me are coming up and i haven't studied for anything currently my life is once again heading downhill... my spelling is failing miserbly(because i almost spelt downhill as downheal and failing as falling) and my grammar is also just as bad, i wan't to improve it but i am lazy(not an excuse but yeah), i think i should stop gaming and start studying and stuff again.

Alright i think that's all i can post for today, although its been a while since i've posted anything

This is just weird...

Just now i saw an image on Tumb1r, this image was just a picture of a train station BUT here is the mind fuck bit: The train station was from my dream, in my dream I was picking up two chicks, AND THE TRAIN STATION RESEMBLES THE ONE IN MY DREAM 100% i think it was also raining in my dream as well WHICH IS PURE FREAKY/MIND FUCK!

Link to the image: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lq5xqteqpZ1qam71go1_500.jpg

Most messed up dream i've had in ages

So the dream starts off with a group of people who wanted to test out this ride in a shopping center, little did they know that the ride was a machine that kills people and makes food out of it. When they got in the machine started to operate, the machine pretty much had metal razor sharp blades that would cut people in half in less then half a second, it was split into two sides with a metal bar about 50cm high. So the characters fell into the machine most of them died except for a few, I had an umbrella on me for some reason and i was standing in the middle by luck, I saw the stop button and pressed it. This slowly made the machine stop, someone was stuck in the machine half way, the other people were lucky, we organised the metal sheets/claw thingies so that it would be safe to get out. i was still standing in the middle trying to help.

Then some dumb ass emerged from the food(still being covered in food)who also looked like a zombie said “I’d rather die then be like this” and he started to push people down the machine, i accidental pressed the start button as I fell. The dream continued as some people(A black guy and some white people) walked pass this machine near the shopping center and the machine says to them “Would you like some food”,so they walk up to it standing on a metal bar divider thing and eats the meat, the machine had a mind of its own the whole time and makes them fall into the machine, the observers from above sees this and is full scared now.
That part of the dream changed into a trailer about the machine and its creator.
Apparently the creator was a people who liked to craft objects but hated humans, the creator had a girlfriend that was really fat and he was an old man in his 60s. He made this to destroy people and etc… one day when the girl and the man was on the train he said to her “You see that shopping center? you are allowed to ride every ride in there except for that one,” Which happened to be the cannibalistic ride. The girl was curious was curious and so the day after around closing time she sneaked in to try this ride. The man saw her and so she dipped her middle and ring finger on her right hand in nutella or some other chocolate paste(Which was a thing between them which represented death,happiness and something else respectively to the fingers from left to right while the palm was facing down). The man said “If you want to go into that machine then you will suicide yourself, but its your choice so choose carefully. She was too curious and she tried the machine, the next day police came to see this machine with a red truck for inspection, they took out the body and saw things like electronic planes and etc. The creator was like “So that’s what kept her alive this whole time.”
The scene changed into a court house, the man was about the be put into jail but then he offered that he would build the big red bride (like the one in America idk what it is called) to San Francisco or some state similar to that from his town. The court almost agreed but he added that the machien must stay.
Then the scene changed again to the bridge itself he was being monitored by an agent called Agent P(yes Phineas and Ferb reference), the creator kept on disobeying the orders of Agent P and said some shit about the other person being Agent P, the head of this agency said the first Agent P(the one observing the creator and telling him what to do was the real agent p), he kept on arguing back and force and the metal parts of the bridge was bending into a “U” shape from a “——-” shape.
And yeah that’s when the dream ended…
Also I think it is because that before I went to bed I thought to myself ‘if human body cells eat other cells then wouldn’t that make us cannibalistic?’ but yeah, that was probably the reason why i had this messed up dream.

I've also posted this on tumblr

Maths test

Just a quick post on the maths test. I seriously fucked up on this one :/... i under studied AND i spent too much time on one question >.> which was really bad in terms of performence... if i had cut 15 minutes from question 2 then i may have finsihed the test...

To sum up what happned:
-Spent more then half the lesson on column one
-Had about 20 minutes on question 3...
-Skipped q 4 because it looked too hard(but i probably would have understood it if i took time off...
-5 i managed to draw the graph
and 6 I never finished ==

NTS: i am never listening to my friends again about what they think is in the test........ OTHERWISE I WILL BE OVERSTRESSED... AND OVERSTRESSING FAILS ME :/

wow considering i said this was a short post it took me about 20 minutes to write this up

also please excuse my poor english, idk wtf happened to it.

EDIT 28/8/2011: well i just got my tests results back and i found out that i got 17/40... ahh well i saw this comming

Things that I was sure of they have filled me up with doubt

Yeah... so recently i had an epiphany... in the past i was all like "Yeah, if i found a girl i would treat her right" and stuff but when i started getting more confident in myself i kinda realised that; i don't actaully do theese things and that i probably won't :/...  soo yeah title is from a song called breathing by yellowcard

and yeah LOL awesome song and it relates to me ish...

I have to thank everyone who has been in my life :)

You guys/girls have taught me heaps about life... y'know the stuff that you don't learn from your parents... yeah those kinds of things...I want to give a shout out to all my mates/friends that are girls... for being there to help me through good and bad times...(yes i have bad times although i depict it like i don't have any bad times)

Alright pce... imma go shower or something now... and i haven't posted in a while :/

 This guy is a fucking true genius!! awesome voice and so on..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrksRiEUtAA&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

Havn't posted for a while...

Yeah... havn't posted in a while(well before yesterday anyways).. i dunno what to really type tbh... holidays i had more ranting to do then i do now so yeah

hmm i wonder why i always post a "I haven't posted on this for a while" after i've posted one post and not before i post that post...

i guess i can talk about my day...
today i went to library with David and then went to buy some new folders to rearrange stuff....

yeah i dunno tomorrow is Friday and i have 2 tests and next week is another 2 tests

You know what i've realised?

we live in a pretty sad world... some people have to fend for themselves whilst other people can just live or exist...

Natsume Yuujinchou San

One of the best anime ANYONE WILL EVER SEE!... but ttgl is better.

Okay so today i watched the anime series Natsume Yuujinchou San, It is as good as always, still calming, no real action(but yeah... it's good to get out of the action once in a while...)

Yeah that's all i wanna post today LOL

Personal thoughts

Recently I've had a few deep thoughts(well i think they are deep anyways). Okay so this post is going to be a pilot post for posts that i'm going to post every once in a while(because i was never really one for doing things on a schedule) about my personal thoughts, It is a pilot so it may or may not occur.

Okay so today I've been thinking about my weirdness etc, I have realized that it isn't strange to have some insanity and well everyone is weird in their own way(just others are weirder then others.

^ that was done yesterday or 2 days ago

Now for my thoughts about today

So today my dad went off at me for not telling him when  my mum was throwing his shit away. Okay so this made me reflect on myself because at one point he said something about my sister being smarter then me, and me and my gaming habits. This made me reflect on myself because well i do game quiet a bit and etc.

that's all I'll post for now.....

Nostalgia part 2

T_T All the text from this post was deleted for some reason, so i'm going to re-write this.Note:this won't be as good as the original :/.

BEFORE YOU READ: this probably will be lame to most people because it is about maplestory and nostalgic. ALSO i only want to post a post like this because I've been playing maple story for about 6 years(started in 2005)

Okay so recently i've been listening Maplestory OSTs such as this one:

yeah, it reminds me of the old maple, the maplestory that was like impossible to grind(train), FM prices were reasonable and noob-friendly, people on Maplestory was nice and social, etc..

Also another thing is the old private servers such as SydneyMS or others(yeah i can't think up of any atm), when they were around it was fun because you could have experienced the full game without having to pay a single cent(except for electricity bills). This was all good until nexon came along and decided to ruin it to make money with their overpriced merchandise.

Okay this is all i'm going to post for now... i'll probably post the video on tumblr later.

Wedding dress~

Okay so recently i decided to watch the wedding dress video(i was bored and wanted to listen to the old k pop... well my old k pop). I saw the dance i wanted to learn it, i haven't really been practicing but you know...

Alright when my room gets a makeover(man that sounds weird) I'll personally redesign my room so that there is enough space for me to practice dancing and whatnot..

oh and I'm going to ask n ow i need to poop :P

ayeeeemunaa:

Do you ever feel
Like you don’t know what’s going on anymore. Like you don’t care about anything anymore. You’ve lost motivation to do anything. Your mind is set on too many things that you are confused about your feelings, and you can’t explain how you feel either. The feeling of emptiness, and feeling that barely anyone is there for you. Feeling that no one understands you anymore. And it seems like there is nothing to look forward to anymore.

Found on tumblr and has soo much truth in it

New haircut

So yeah... new haircut. LOL the hairdresser decided to cut it short and gel it. I guess i sort of like it without the gel. just wanted to show you guys me.

I'm just so sexy aren't i ;D LOLOLO kk seriously though, yeah, that was what this blog was about.

How long has it been since i've done this...

So its been a while, I know I haven't posted much but I guess I'll post a proper, fully punctuated, proper capital letters and proper spelling blog post. So, this post is going to be about my dreams and whatnot (when I say dreams I mean my aims in life, NOT the ones I have during my sleep). Okay so I realised that I want to do something that is physical for now. It may and probably WILL change over time, but for now... I want to form a dance group, but here is the problem. My friends won't join because they are too fidgety and I need at least 4-6 people.

So yeah that is the end of this post, I guess I will start to go out more during the holidays and have fun, I need feel something again :/, it seems like I've lost all feelings and I guess during the time of my insanity it wasn't even a real feeling because insanity is sort of like gasses rather then solids. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE! thoughts are scattered etc. unlike a cold you can actually feel it in your chest.

Yeah i know this post is everywhere but at least i tried

64 posts, 64 dreams

Title meaning: this is my 64th post and i have recorded about 64 dreams on my dream journal....
Actually come to think of it I've probably had over 80 dreams by now that i remember... its just that i don't write it down and etc..Okay to sum up the dream i had today:
- It involved the girl i liked
- We were touching(no intimacy)

Okay so i bet some people are going "Dude... its just a dream, its not real," yeah... well i dream my reality then i forge it< sounds lame i know but that's what i do.

So yeah.. I've been trying to build up my confidence in all the wrong ways i.e talking to randoms and saying hi to them and etc.

It's time..

I think it's finally time to call quits, yeah I'm getting sick of life and i need to stop doing things the wrong way and start doing it the right way, and no this does not mean I'm going to suicide.

Whatever it is for now I'm going to disable my facebook/tumblr and turn off msn for a while
for anyone who sees this, all i'm going to say is... "Laters bro".

So today

Well technically yesterday but yeah on the 24th of June 2011 is what I meant. I was at livo by myself today and i gotta say... BIGGEST FAIL OUT(well besides the Para one).

K so heres the events that happed in order
- I was going home from school... i wanted to go fairfield but i forgot and got off at my station because I was too caught up with talking to my friends and checking out the girls on the train < First fail
-  Then i went home to get money(lucky I did otherwise i wouldn't have had enough money for the train ticket< which is mentioned later)
- I went to the station saw some cute girls and waited for the train < that was probably the only good bit about this jaunt.
- When I arrived at livo i saw this Asian transit officer watching the gates and so I asked her if I could go through, I showed her my bus pass(which normally works) and she said no... and so I had to make up a lie about not knowing about it etc...< Second fail
- So i decided to go back to fairfield... but on the way there i thought to myself.. "Hey... wouldn't it make more sense to stop at warrick farm and then buying a ticket there..." and so i did.
- After buying the ticket which happend to be a waste of $2.20(btw this is alot when you're broke), i went to EB games and bought what I needed to buy and well around that time it was alright.
- Now, on the train back was the highlight of my day. Okay so, I was on the train wondering how people react like if I said to them "Hi, have a nice day" randomly.. < This is where my third fail happened

It took me a while to get the balls to do it, but i eventaully got the balls to do it to this random lady(she was the only one on the carriage so that made it 29831029382109x more easier). Also before you guys/girls/transexuals make any assumptions, I was doing this to test the psychological mind, and also because i was inspired by my friend who had the confidence to do EVERYTHING that I couldn't, and to build some confidence(the wrong way!).

Okay back to the story.. at first when i tried she didn't notice, so I tried again and gave her a little wave and she saw...and her reply was "yes," and after that i walked off. So when i walked off i bet she thought that i was a weirdo (which i am partially... actually to be honest I'm mostly a werido... but of my insanity which I am failing to control< age... == always makes things 100x harder).

BTW that classifies as a third fail because I didn't exactly say it in the correct tone.. I think I was too quiet or something.

Okay cheers to whoever reads this :).

cause in a world gone mad

In a world of madness... what would you do?... stay sane? or go insane?

one day...

how come i feel like i've posted this title before?

anyways onto the topic... uhmm soo yeah... i've been thinking... about the girl i used to like...
and well yeah... i failed at aiming to get her... i probably would of failed... but all worth a try....

one day i swear... i will do something about my shitty-ness< if that's a word...
NTS: fix my spelling and grammatical errors

I told you... i'll accept you for whoever you are...

Okay so there are many many groups out there that are like built of people of a certain personality/social value.

Me? well there's a difference... i know there are many other group like mines but yeah... my group is aimed at getting as many people as possible of any kind... no criteria, no social requirement... idc if you're weird.... because you know, everyone is weird.

LOL kk i know there are alot of groups like mines but yeah.. LOL i jsut felt like saying it

and besides who is going to care right?... no one is going to ever read this post :D

fuck this shit ==

i guess this is where my downfall begins...
seriously though
- atm... im not caring about anything including school, social life,doing anything not even gaming or thinking for that matter
- I'm starting to hate a lot of things now... idk why maybe this time will pass eventually
- I'm not sad anymore im just plain pissed/angry

okay now onto the real reason why i wanted to post this post....
k so... today someone said...
WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE THIS PERSON!!
etc.. etc...

k so this never really affected me before.. but since today im in a bad mood i feel like ranting...
1) I'm not like that person because i'm not that person...
2) I am me so if you don't like it then too bad..

thats pretty much it for today... ill probably blog more later.

-LawLies a.k.a Tommy

Fuck thoose people who determine people's present by their past!

Yeah so... i just came to a realisation(or as some may call it epiphany), i realised that i like people who has a sad past(much like mine(lol actually i wouldn't consider my past to be the saddest)) for thoose who have seen or managed to stalk my blog, you would have noticed the post about my past, i kinda realised that people with a sad past e.g. people who didn't have friends in the past are the best people...
i realised this through hearing a story about one of my friends who has a sad past


People who have had good pasts can be considered as fakes(not always though)... remmeber people learn from other people or experience... if they have neither welll then unless if they have a really pro mind then yeah... they can be a real...

now the above as stated, does not always apply to everyone... heck i don't even know if people consider me as a fake or a real...

kk OT: To sum this post up
- Fakes often don't have a bad past(Does not apply to everyone)
- Reals often have a sad past or present that is not relate to the amount of friends they have e.g. if a person already knows like 100 people and they say they don't know enough people compared to someone who only knows 5 people.(Same thing applies, does not always apply to everyone).
- People who have a sad past/present are really good people who you should hang out with 50% of the time... Reason: Some people choose the dark side rather then the light side.< Reason for that... : They were in this darkness for too long and no one gave them their light.
       ... trust me i know... I've been there with another friend... i found light whilst he didn't.
- just because someone is nice doesn't mean they are being fake...

Delusional

Yeah, I know, I'm delusional
Although i know that my imaginations aren't real, i still want to have it... I know the girl i like probably only thinks of me as a friend but yeah idc...

There is no stigma anymore...

-

I lose this round...

Lately(well more then lately), i have been letting myself down ALOT...
i say to myself that i will change and talk to people more but i end up screwing up and just being quiet >.<... farh i needa change...

well actaully i just need to know how to reply to certain things..instead of having my standard responses
e.g. huh? or okay... or uhh yeah sure.. or stfu!

yeah generally i will need to know about what stuff to talk about at the right moment

The archer, the bandit and the warrior

So this is what the title means..

- The Archer with the jaguar is suppose to represent skill,speed and ability to aim further then anyone can
- The Bandit is suppose to represent lust, temptation and giving in to your desires
- The Warrior is suppose to represent justice and power

how this makes any sense...idk to be honest
i just came up with this title because of a dream i had...
for some reason i was originally an archer but then i changed to a bandit and at around the end of the dream i became a warrior/fighter/swordsman w/e.

my point is i guess these three classes represent me in some way...
- The Archer because i always like to learn new stuff from people and i always want to aim further in life
- The Bandit because that side of me... no one sees :) that is what makes it so sly(not really LOL)
- The Warrior because i am one for justice but i am not always doing the right thing though

Toy Story 3

T_T omg it's such a good movie... i pretty much cried at the end

SPOILER ALERT!!
so yeah.. when andy left the toys it was soo sad... but it's kinda good that the writers made him play with his toys one last time..
thats pretty much my childhood gone now...
SPOILER END!

yeah so... i pretty much grew up with 2 things...
games and disney movies...

and now that disney movies are gone... thats half my child hood gone
and since school is getting harder and i need to spend more time to study and less time for gaming... that makes it a total of 3 quarters of my childhood gone.. and im only 16 T_T

also the feeling of nostalgia is the best!

Love, Sex and Drugs

Those are the three things that concern people's adolescence these days... and i bet it will be like this until the government decides to go all around the world to get rid of all the drugs so they can do use it for themselves..

but seriously though... im our society now
Everybody, no matter what age, is looking for love.
About 60% or above of teens are looking for emotionless sex.
About 2 thirds of teens are going out and going into a smoke joint to do drugs
note: this is just an approximation... because i have no clue what the numbers actually are but just by analyzing i can guess that this is around correct.

but yeah.. my point is that we need to stop what we're doing and start doing what we're not

A Story

The story is only the start.. there is no end until you have finished it, but when you do it will be worth it, you are nowhere near the end just yet... so hurry up and finish your story.

The story continues with pain that can easily be dealt with(most of the time) but this is only chapter two of the book.

I think I've posted this before... idk i can't remember

Tsuioku merry go round

I think i've used this title before but meh.

Okay so recently I had this dream. I was at tutor with Shaw. This tutor was about cancers for dad in dreams. Yeah... So then in the middle somewhere I played with my ipod and the song 'Tsuioku merry go round' came on and so I searched for what the lyrics were in english and I found out that the lyrics in English said:

Merry-Go-Round
Spinning in a world of dreams
The silhouette you left behind
Chases after the morning sun

and yeah... Lately, I have been dreaming A LOT! I'm kinda on a line where I don't know what is real or fake anymore. Thats why I keep a reality check as close to me as possible (the anchor on my hand)

Generally i've been yearning to something different in my life to happen. Something that's more than meeting new people and being able to get high grades.

Looking back..

i originally thought the idea of a blog would be stupid and all that... but eventaully i grew to make it part of me...

i don't blog daily or regularly but when i do i will post 3-4 posts at the same time...yeah... truth is i don't really have anyone where i can relate to and talk to... maybe 1 or 2 friends which i annoy the fuck out of but... yeah no one in general where i can have a deep and meaningful talk with.... maybe its just me... maybe there are hundreds... no maybe almost all teenagers are suffering the same problems..tch whatever... my point is: Generally I'm in the section of teenagers who only has a few friends(literally...my group is only about 5 people or so.. sometimes it's bigger because there are people that come and go...) and only 2 of them are considered as real friends.generally blogging is the only way to get my thoughts out without it intervening with other people's lives.

Okay to sum this up...
-I thought this blog was dumb at the beginning but in the end i realized i was wrong.
-blogging is the only way to keep my mind intact so that i don't go crazy...(that and reality checks)

I don't know, I don't think I'll ever know and to be honest I don't want to know

idk.. i just felt like posting that... lately everything has been difficult... i need to stop what I'm doing while i still can before it's too late ><.. i know im still a good boy and that will never change ever...
and i will never turn bad(although i don't even consider what I'm doing...

Random Quote i made up
What they don't know won't hurt them but it will eventually hurt you.

Insanity is nothing more then a foul feeling

The insanity in people may be overcome with another feeling, this feeling is known as courage, but until all of us have found this feeling we cannot make insanity disappear.

I think i still love you

Yeah so even though the person i'm referring to isn't reading this, i think i still like her... but to be honest idk.. == i used to think about her all the time and stuff... but in the end i stopped thinking about her that much... if only i knew if that person liked me... then life would be so much easier.

-

I wanted to take your path, and i did... but later i found out i was going through the wrong path and it lead me astray from my original intentions...and now that I've realized my mistakes, i will walk another road back my original plans but until i find that path i am still lost.

Mixed feelings

Ever had those moments when you don't know whether you like someone or not?
you question yourself about if you truly have a crush/love that person but you can't really put your finger on which one it is?....
Well I have.. I used to get questions from people asking me "How do you know if you like someone?" and I used to reply "Well you just know... it's a feeling of liking someone" or "Well you find everything about them cute and attractive(or something along those lines)," but after a while I met this girl... at the beginning i really liked her...although I couldn't get past the stage of friendship(not like I was trying but yeah...), then we grew separate and yeah.. we still talk now and then(in class) but that's about it.

So after we grew separate I stopped liking her. However after a while I kinda started to like her again but this time it was mixed feelings. So, I started to really question whether I liked her or not.. I started to ask around that same question that everyone used to ask me and eventually I looked into my past and realised what kind of mistake I made when I was telling them my answer.

So yeah, now I kinda realised that you can't really give out advice unless you have experienced it yourself.

All 3 parts pretty much sums me up

i wonder if anyone out there has ever liked me or cared... who knows... but yeah this post is pretty much about me telling everyone(or whoever is reading) how much i want to change... although i need more confidence... which i am trying to work on.

Hachi

So, today i watched a movie called Hachi:A dog's tail (2009 ver) and I SWEAR TO GOD IT IS ONE OF THE SADDEST MOVIES I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE... I FREAKING CRIED HARDOUT CLOSE TO THE END... and yeah.. don't call me a girl until you have watched this movie... it is really sad... and i have never cried like this over a movie ever since King Kong(back in 2005 or something).

soo i just want to say to anyone out there; you should watch this movie! it is one of the best movies ever!

so i found this on tumblr..

Ever have that feeling

raynaroxanna:

Like you don’t know what’s going on anymore. Like you don’t care about anything anymore. You’ve lost motivation to do anything. You’re mind is set on too many things that you are confused about your feelings, and you can’t explain how you feel either. The feeling of emptiness, and feeling that barely anyone is there for you. Feeling that no one understands you anymore. And it seems like there is nothing to look forward to anymore.

and IMO its soo true!!

Book 2

I guess no one will ever know... unless they somehow found this blog, So far there has been two people that I've told. I guess everyone out there is the same, we all have deep dark secrets that we want to hide, we have feelings that we can't express and the worst part about these feelings/secrets are that you can't tell anyone because no one would be there for you...No I'm not going to post my dark feelings/secrets on here.. since I like to keep things on a positive note but I will however post something from my past that I finally realised yesterday while in bed.

So yesterday i realised out many things...
when i was little even though I was the MOST anti social kid in school for my year(i didn't realise that now.. I realised it as a kid) i still had haters amongst my year(not naming any names) and well that faggot was my friend for several years... i guess i was desperate for friends at that time(lol I let him know he was my friend-nemy.. and enemy and a friend),but i was lucky to find some people, some people that tried to support me here and there but you know... kids are kids we give up easily. THANKFULLY I managed to meet a few groups throughout my primary school life... some were just ass-holes who used people for the sake of using people... while others were nicer.

i have to thank the nice people for where i am today... the teachers and those nice people helped me see the light. yes i was one of the luckier ones who managed to get through primary and not contemplate suicide even though i was so anti social. lol come to think of it I can't believe that I was a cocky cunt even though I was the quiet one.

so to sum this post up... I got back stabbed three times, once in yr 3 or 4 while lending my so called friend my GBA console. the second one was when a different friend hacked my runescape account and gave it to one of his friends all because i said "runescape is boring now i kind of stopped playing"(or something on thoose lines... that same so called friend hacked my maplestory account and again while in yr 6 within the last few weeks of school(which i was so grateful.. that i didn't have that long left) where another so called friend talked shit about me behind my back all because he thought i stole popularity(when all I did was hang out with different groups as i grew up..) and because of that i lost my best friend, who was my best friend for 2 years, year 5 to 6.

k so the second one i just wrote wasn't as serious as the other two but i was a hardcore gamer at the time... gaming was pretty much my life.

Yeah i just felt like getting that off my chest because you know.. although it's in the past... i never learnt from it... so now i want to revise it and learn something from it

pretty much if you guys/girls are still confused about what I've learnt from it... then here is the summary
- I learnt that there's always a light out.. you just have to be brave enough to find it
- If you ever feel back stabbed then leave them behind and find new friends
- If you could never fit in.. then it's a good thing... it means you're different
- and finally there are ALWAYS nice people in this world... it's just their the images get distorted because of the bad people around them or if not then the bad people around the world

headphones..

Soo yesterday i went out to get my headphones and well... i wouldn't say its the best sounding headphones out there but it's still pretty damn good... the style was the phillips ear gear shl5003... yeah  it doesnt look good in public nor at home but its a pretty dayumm good sounding one, however at first when i listned to it i couldn't get used to the bass but after about 30 minutes to 1 hour i got used to it... if anyone out there is planning to buy one then buy one.. i got mine for about 34 dollars at dicksmith while they were on sale :D lucky me.

and no they do not go over your ear but they go on it...(since theres no hole for it to go in)< thats what she said LMAO...

If you don't have anything to worry about then worry about other people

So today i just came to a realisation that no matter how hard i try i can't seem to find anything about myself to worry about.. besides physical health wise and my ego LOL(it made me feel kind of empty)... yeah soo after realising that(finally), i realised that i didn't have to worry about myself i can worry about other people...

it took me ages before i realised this..

So moral of this post is: If your not carrying anything heavy then carry the other person's weight.. after all two is better then one

fark! im soo tired of all this T_T

So i just wanted to say that... i'm getting sick of my lifestyle... and everything around me...

i've been trying to become less lazy but all i end up doing is procrastinating.. and i've become much worst then what i used to be...and yeah because of a few people i havn't been able to do homework and stuff

FARKING RAGE!! FML!!! T_T

Okay so first things first...after the holidays i kind of realised that the trip wasn't all that bad. i guess it was just me over reacting about stuff(since i was super stressed at the time)

k next thing is T_T i want someone to rant too >.<... Reason: I lost AU$50( WHICH IS A SHIT LOAD OF MONEY) in vietnam... and my mum even reminded me to be careful with it == i wish i knew where it droped or who got it, UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SON OF A B!?!@. grrrr == im still pissed like crazy but yeah. i think i just need time to cool off.

Second thing thats making me really pissed(it wouldnt have made me all that pissed but because of the $50 thing, it added on to my rage! So after i found out i lost my 50 dollars, i went searching all around me... and still no luck, so i gave up and rolled my sleves down, when i rolled it down i realised that the elastic area had been stretched too much and now the elastic cannot contract anymore which is double fml... and i used that area to keep my hands warm(also I've only worn that shirt once)

and i still cant get all the rage out because i had to supress it for over 11 hours...

and the rest of the day was as followed
- i missed out on the ch outing
- due to the lost of $50 and the fact that i missed out on an outing made me lost both fun and money...(lose lose situation ><)

I want to become more awesome

I want to become awesome, with or without help,... there have been many many things i've regreted, however i swear i will become better, i will do everything right, i want to know how to do things properly without help

 

i want to become stronger(Posted on the 1st of April)

i want to surpass all obstacles...i want to win... i want to make it to the end, i wont give up...

i want to become stronger..
i NEED to become stronger...

3 FUCKING WEEKS!

Okay soo all i need to do is survive this thing for 3 weeks and then i get 5 days of my holidays back == FUCKING BULLSHIT

ARGG!!! I CANT STOP RAGING ABOUT THIS!!1

FUCKING WHATS REALLY BULLSHIT IS THAT MY MUM FUCKING MAKES ME GO VIETNAM WHEN I SAID THAT I DIDNT WANT TO(SHE ASSUMED THAT ME NOT HAVING ALOT OF WORK DOESN'T MEAN THAT I DON'T HAVE ANY WORK!!!)

FARKING HELL MAN!!1 SHE FULL ACTED LIKE 10 SECONDS AFTER I SAID IF I HAD TO GO THEN I HAD TO... BUT IN THE END SHE FUCKING TOLD ME THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO

FUCKING I HATE MY LIFE ATM >.> WAS SOO PERFECT BUT NOW GOT SCREWED OVER BY ONE FUCKING SMALL MISTAKE >.>>>>>>>>>>>. ofmgofmgfomgfomfg!!

RAGE!!!

and then BOOM!

Soo this will be my last post before i go on a small trip to visit my grandma

One thing that i seriously don't want to do is go on this trip, but i probably wont regret it after, you know since bad stuff might happen if i don't go...

SOO one thing i will miss is all my friends and everyone that i love... atm its no one in my family because im going through a stage where i just don't want to be bothered by my family

soo yeh laters everyone who reads this :<

It's time to grow up

I've realised that I'm a growing boy, I need to stop being so childish with all my fantasies(man that sounds wrong), I am going to grow up today... I will become awesome... I MUST BECOME AWESOME!!, i don't want to live my childish life any more, I want to grow up and see the world properly, I want to know what its like to be awesome, I want to learn some more I want to do more things with my life then just imagine the things I want to do.

I WANT TO DO THE THINGS THAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO BUT NEVER HAD THE GUTS TO...

When i grow up i wanna be a ____

lol idk about title, okay sooo i wanna become a musician, a dancer, a singer... something that relates to music... because im not a guy who likes to stick to theory related stuff... im more of a practical guy...

i want to practice... but idk where to practice, but theres one thing that i've learnt in my lifetime,

Life is too short to be stressing, live life to the fullest, the world is your playground and you are the little kid who plays with everything you find in the playground

It was only just a dream

yeh o-o i figured that i keep using song names as my title.. but deal with it! its the way i do things

soo today i woke up... idk why but the girl i've been trying to get over... well i started to like her again >.>

=.= farhh man idk why i even like her... its not like she even likes me... and yeh i managed pretty well for a couple of days but yeh...

Sometimes...

there are days when im happy and full of energy and some days im soo sad for no apparent reason and there are some days i feel like giving up on all the things I've been working on(e.g. social skills etc...)

those days are just the days i want to say I GIVE UP! but I know I probably won't... knowing me anyways o-o, mmm yeh i still want to scream i give up though

also idk why i blog.. no one reads it o-o soo yeh.. oh wells i guess its just a way to express myself when i don't have anyone to talk to(man i feel like a loner<< actually I sort of am when it comes to having friends to talk to about these issues)

soemtimes i just want somoene to talk too, you know one of thoose deep meaningful and thoughtful talks... not just "LOL hey... how was yesterday's party" kind of talk.

yeh so probably just a depression period, ill get over it eventaully

 

EDIT:(31/8/2011)  So its almost the start of spring and yeah i got over it, i know who my friends are... and i know what i need to do to continue living normally)

We all need someone to lean on

http://www.lifeschocolates.com/friends/we-all-need-somebody-to-lean-on/

Far away from here, cross country

So heres the thing, schools great... nothing bad has happened
but the thing is im getting soo sick of everyone around me... maybe its just a period everyone goes through but i seriously don't want to goto school anymore, i just feel like changing schools or doing something different... i got soo sick of repetition >.>

every sing day its
wake up
brush teeth
clean looks
go school
get through school and socialise
go home
sleep or play games or go library
go waste my life some more on games..
do hw at like midnight
go sleep
then it repeats...<< thats pretty much my week on weekdays

weekends aren't all that much different either... just take out the go school and go libary bit..... its all fun at first but honestly i've pretty much gotten tired of all this..

sometimes i just want someone to turn too so i can talk about this stuff...>.<

Haircut

Today i got a haircut at a different shop

WORST MISTAKES EVER


FARHH OUT !! NEXT TIME I SWEAR IMMA JUST GOTO MY USUAL PLACE...=.= AND NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO MY SISTERS ABOUT STYLE==

i swear i needa find my own style >.>(which totally fked up today >.>)

i'm starting over...

everything that i've done well i've never liked ...(except for a few things)
soo now imma start over and well think differently

number 2

okay so recently while i was half-asleep or asleep i had one of the scariest moements ever... o-o i think my mind was creating visions of 3-4 humans sitting around the room repeatedly saying "number 2 can save you!"... and just so you guys know idk even if i was sleeping or if i was half sleeping

but anyways i sent out an imaginary electric pulse(i call it an electromagnetic pulse)<< childish i know :P but still farhh it was scary... yet during the time i wasn't scared... o-o

in other words it should of been scary but it wasn't....

To never turn a blind eye

my only real goal in life is for when people ask me to help, i cant say no... if i do then its going against my way of life

pretty much this year//term//month w/e m trying to learn my manners/ how to be a gentleman and learning to not let people down.. thats pretty much all my aims this year

EDIT:27/3/2011
I've realised that I've turned my eye blind more then I used to do after I posted this, I think its because I'm better at what I do when I do it on the spot and not planning it out.

Project REWIND!

Okay soo recently i've had the strangest idea for something about changing the world... however i sort of need ideas

the only idea i have so far is the name... which is project rewind..
the meaning of the name is to rewind humans(pun/metaphor for turning humans back to the way we were)

the only idea i have atm is to raise awareness about the way humans are spenidng our resources... other then that i'm out of ideas...

but then again o-o i could probably elaborate on what i just wrote.. But idk

Rewind

yeh so before the last blog i haven't really been blogging... but i guess I can say that I've returned back to normal

i guess i can start attending school normally again and not skip out so many lesson(i didn't say days because i only missed out 1 and 2/3 days in total

Okay now for the real reason why i made this blog and i didnt want to continue my other one.
Soo recently the past 2 weeks or so, my mental health has worsened(so much that I wanted to scream(three times;in church and in school(maths and English)))< yay for triple brackets
LOL kk uhh soo i went to the doctors to check it out.. and aparently i'm having an emotion overload or i saw something emotionally disturbing(highly unlikely for this one)... i think i may know why im having the emotion overload but idk yet.. imma wait until the dust settles before i say anything...

BUT the second time i went to visit.. its apparently just a flu or because the weather changed... but that was referring to my physical state NOT my mental/emotional state.(yes... guys DO have feelings too, just because we don't show it in real life doesn't mean we don't have any)

Okay that's all imma blog about for today

Yeh... soo its been a while

lol k so i gave up on the #ep thingy

kk now onto a different topic

Soo recently i've been getting kinda sick(OMFG IMMA DIEE lol jks), okay soo today during school i had two tests but i only did one because i felt kinda sick and went home

to be continued when im bothered

QQ im losing my mind...

seriously.. in church today i almost felt like i was going to let out a massive scream... and i didn't even know the reason.... AND farhhh soo glad i didn't T_T please anyone help !?!?!? D:

... imma amuse i looked weird when i looked into my bag for no reason BUT that was a last resort and i had to do it somehow

argg!!! FARHH OUT T_T D: FML... oh wells i guess i can try to hold out for long enough

well at least now i know thta i have to fight the darkness until i win...
No more holding back for me!

LOL ONE OF THE MOST AWESOME DREAMS I HAD LAST NIGHT

okay soo yesterday OMGG one of the best dreams ever... o-o(soo far i have two) both involving two different crushes... o-o

okay so this one was about one of my old crushes and it was the most unexpected dream ever, o-o it didn't involve intimacy(just in case anyone is curious). My version of a perfect dream doesn't involve sex or w/e... I'm the type of guy that likes to talk to people and I'm not really into sex all that much and besides from what I've learnt about my dreams, is that they will never come true...

and D: whenever i sleep i only dream but when i wake up its like a nightmare(D: no seriously i have nightmares when I'm awake... its like insomnia but for the morning only)

NTS: check yahoo answers about my headphones by 12/3/2011

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110302033305AAJd0JE

yeh useless post again o-o will delete it after i find a good answer

Ep# 7 - RAGE HEADPHONES D:

Okay so i recently bought some skull candy headphones... in my opinion if i had to rate them then... i would give them a 4-5/10(6 if i'm nice...)

Reason:

• the head sqeeze is somewhat annoying..
• the sound isnt as good as what people make it sound like..(maybe its just me but i don't like them)
• they hurt my head after 10 minutes... < but that might just be me..
• the vocals for certain songs are not clear

and when i compared the headphones to my speakers.. MAN there was a massive difference in the voice...
My speakers : More soothing then the headphones

the only thing i did like about them is the style.. BUT other then that they are shit... DON'T BUY THEM IF U EVER COME ACROSS THIS SHORT REVIEW!

Ep 6# Reaching new heights

Hi, okay... so uhmm yeh... i guess im not totally out of my depression yet... same reason, idk why it happens o-o, it just does...

So imma be aiming for new heights now... and those heights are

• Getting the fuck out of my depression
• Going to libary to study everyday(and actually becoming bothered to do so)
• Sleeping earlier
• Being more social with friends
• Insert the rest of the massive list...

 yeah so some people might think that this is easy.. but i can tell you that its not for me...

Unconditional Love

Yeah so I wrote this in a book the other day since I couldn't write it on blog spot anyways.. imma type it all up for anyone out there.

[title]Unconditional Love(LOL yeh i sort of copied the title from another website i found) o-o also I'm not starting from he begging because it won't make any sense [/title]

...I realised that i miss all the days that I talked to other people for nor reason other then talking to them, now that I'm almost done with my depression, I should be able to do that again... especially with her.(DON'T THINK DIRTY!)

This was suppose to be posted a few days ago o-o

Ep # 5 - Merry Go round

The one thing that keeps me going everyday is something called a Merry Go round... originally i just liked it because of the song itself... but eventually I came to realise i really liked merry go rounds, they seem to have such an awesome/romantic feeling to it and most of all they are relaxing.. yes even for someone as old as me I would think that they are relaxing(only if there isn't anyone who would see me as a loser anyway)

The point of this blog is... well, to tell you guys/girls/transsexuals that if you have something to hold onto even if its not a real life person it will help you get by so much easier

Ep #4 - Rage!

Okay today I saw a tumblr post that REALLY REALLY ticked me off..because 1) this post had such a negative view(based on the post NOT the actual person just to clear things up)
2) i seriously hate people who think that the world is whats making them this way(man that sounded closed minded)

Post: http://dinhosaurr.tumblr.com/post/1241687627/caring

Okay soo imma just express what i think about this post in a short blog post.. remember this is opinion there is no right or wrong its just what i think

Okay soo generally i read this blog post and it was pretty much about how you cannot put someone else before you.. IMO that is total bullshit... in this world it is possible however it is only a small percentage of the world that does care and is willing to do this..as for the rest of the world they would probably match the blog's description

The reason why I'm pissed is that he does not show both points(but of course that's what makes the argument good), anyways.. I'm just going to rage IRL but not here otherwise it will make me seem like a closed minded person.

Oh yeh there was a time when i hated humans however that time has passed and i swear when i look back i realised i made the biggest mistake ever..reason:i was tooblinded to look at both sides.. now that im on the halfway point i can see both sides clearly and thats why i went against that blog in the first place.

My lesson in life ever since i was a kid... Although I've gone through a lot of suffering it has taught me many good things about this world.. THERE ARE SUCH THINGS AS GOOD PEOPLE and anything that you don't do or has happened to you because of someone else you don't blame the world you blame them or at least find a way to fix things up through fixing them up... < confusing huh?

I wanna Fly away

I wanna fly away, leave everything behind. Go up to the clouds and say goodbye. I'll be away from drama and love. No one can hurt me anymore. I wanna fly away, and be gone from this hurtful world. I just wanna fly away.

Source - http://www.buzzle.com/articles/i-wanna-fly-away.html

Ep#3//Just let her go

ok so to start things off i just wanted to say that == I still miss her >.>... man although I've tried to forget her over the holidays she just doesn't leave my head T_T.

What i think is that she doesn't like me in the way i like her... soo someone please comment and give me some advice on what to do.. and PLEASE DON'T say something like "Forget her.." or "LOL ask her out ;D." no seriously don't post comments like that... because im trying to forget her and I don't want to ask her..

and JUST so everyone knows.. SHE DOES NOT KNOW THAT I LIKE HER o-o well I hope she doesn't.. it seems to be better this way..

o-o kk thats my blog for now.. ill probably edit some more later

Ep#2 This isn't the end of the road!

Yeh.. soo recently I've been trying to do one thing.. and that's run away from my past...or at least run away to get stuff soo i can fix it(more like getting supplies to fix the problem< metaphor intended..).

For anyone who bothered reading about my past down about to my 3rd blog.. you would realise my past has alot of mistakes... however.. that is NEVER EVER going to stop me from trying to correct my mistakes...

I recently found the book where i wrote pieces of writings like blogs and even though at the beginning i thought it would be stupid and gay.. in the end i never found it stupid.. i was kind of surprised that i found it interesting and well im more surprised I didn't find it stupid.

for anyone who bothers to read this (and im hopping to god that none of the people who read this is my friends o-o) you should never give up and never let any chances passes by.. because if you do you WILL regret it! and i know this as a fact.. if you never do something.. you will live your life not knowing what could of happened if you did do it!.. and even if you do it and fail miserably at least you know you tried and that's all that should matter.

난 마지막까지 포기하지 않을거야!
私は最後の最後まであきらめない

Episode #1 - The young boy who lives in darkness

There once was a boy named Tommy. He was probably one of the most optimistic person anyone would ever meet(after a while that is) but one day something brought him down. No one knew what it was. Even he didn't know. So he started to act differently.

Yeh cheezy I know LOL uhh kk soo this blog is about me becoming emo? for no apparent reason (yeh weird i know o-o)

yeh well this is a story that i will probably never finish... the moral is that things can change in an instant.. enjoy every moment possible... because once things change... yeh... you wont like it

EDIT: this was my third ever post. I just fixed the punctuation.

Filler #1

Okay first things first
I'm going to start posting stuff in things like Episode #1 - (insert cheesy title here)

Now onto the not so important stuff
Well just another day of life for a LawLies... except something has being bringing me down and well :/ yeah im not too sure what it is.. now i know your probably sitting in your computer chair going... "Man this guy == just deal with your problem and get it over with" or something like that

yeh well I am... o-o turning out pretty well too... unfortunately I can't figure out the source or i would of had this problem solved ages ago... anyways I'm just trying to get some stress off my head by typing it up and storing it somewhere else.. since i don't use papers

Random Fact
It took me almost 1 month before I finished this blog.. LOL i know soo long D:
it started on the 27th of December...(1227.com anyone?)

well this blog is well going to go nowhere (like the last two blogs)

The double and reverse of 3

WARNING THIS BLOG DOES NOT HAVE A FLOW WHATSOEVER AND ALSO ITS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL!! and yeah I realise that I've repeated most of the words. Please forgive me for my grammatical mistakes. I was never pro at English

This is my life story. Read on if you're bothered.

If you've figured out what the title means then you are a smart person(not academic wise) or you're just creative. Well if you haven't figured it out yet then the answer is 8 o-o.

If your wondering to yourself "HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT WORK!?!?!"
then get two peices of paper draw two similar 3s on it and put it in the sun and make the 3s look like an 8, then flip it around.

What's the meaning of the title?
Simple the 8 is suppose to stand for 2008(probably no one would of thought of that) and since the reverse of 8 looks the same no one would notice. Okay, that explains the title and time now to explain the story

So when i was little, about 3 years and 2 days and almost 1 hour back, I met a guy named Shaw. He pretty much changed my life around. I used to be what people would call frigit(however its spelled) and shy(not to say I'm not a frigit and shy any more). After I met this guy i was still shy. I met most of his friends and before you knew it I became a dick head. After a while i kinda realised it so i started to not become a dick head. Then a met this guy named Johnny. We became good friends and he taught me a lot more about life and it changed my life even more. I was still scared like shit but you know, an improvement is an improvement. I felt comfortable around close friends but not newly met friends.

Even though i didn't change much it felt like a massive change because I finally had a group to belong to (even though I had a group to belong to when I was in 2007). BUT! The point is I finally felt welcome(I know i sound really gay atm) and no one even knew about it. Obviously because i hate talking about my past. After a while i met this girl named Cindy. I acted hypo around her and her friends because i was shy around girls >.>. I never knew why, but i guess it's normal for some guys.

I eventually met some of her friends and well they changed everything again.I became even more social, I met new people who made me feel like I was a person again. This was another life changing point in my life. Reason? Well, I used to be the guy who loved his games and nothing else mattered(reason being i had nothing else that would matter. Everyone saw me as another creepy person who just was scary. Games were like a drug to me and it still is o-o). Any ways from that point on I had a proper goal in life; to become social; having this goal helped me be where I am today(even though I had the same goal before).

Okay onto 2010 since 2009 wasn't as interesting as 2010.
When it was 2010 I became even more shy after i got dumped. I got scared of people and didn't know what to do in social situations and almost lost my mind twenty times or more(This is true btw o-o. But I regained my mind closer to the end of the year. YAY!!(Edit 18/12/2011:I am sane again but that is because I've been through the hardships of it.)). I'm guessing it was because of the catholic Sunday school saying to me "exorcism was possible" and all. Since I'm really gullible the mentality of it all must have gotten to me. BUT I KNOW EXORCISMS ARE REAL!! OKAY!!(Farh now I'm scared since I'm typing this up at 2:00am). Okay continuing on. After a while i finally asked for help on how to make friends (It took me 15 years but I had finally decided to do it).

After I asked for help, some of my friends LOL'd at me, while others actually decided to help. I realised that i needed help because I started to go to an old tutor and Sunday school. Throughout the year I had trouble with social issues; which made it kinda hard to focus throughout the year. I endured many hardships and embarrassing moments. However, in the end, I met a few really nice people and they helped me to start being talkative again(yay!). Close to the end of the year i figured out how to make friends, due to having 3 days out in the field.

About halfway during the year I met more people. This time they were old friends, they may not realise it but they made me learn new things such as: how to make conversations alive (even though i learnt that through practice). They made me one of the happiest guys in the world because they invited me to their outings and stuff(even more than before).

By the end of those three years I'm still shy.I sort of can't make friends still, can't do things for myself, but judging by how much I've changed in 2008-2010, I think I can do an even better job in 2011.
Oh, also during these three years, every time I met someone that reminded me of myself, i always tried to help them, just so they don't make the same mistakes like me >.>. Yet it never seems to amaze me to see how many people are like this. SO IF YOUR READING THIS YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME!

Moral: The point of the title being 'The double and reverse of 3' is because: 8 doesn't look much different when it's flipped. However, only a few will pick it up e.g. the person who flipped it.

A message from me to you: The change is possible for anyone. While I changed no one probably noticed and I was probably another human with a life changing story, along with the other 6.8 billion humans in this world.

Random Quote
While the world isn't noticing you, you're noticing yourself and that's all that should matter. You don't need to be seen for you to look good, you just need to believe in yourself and anything is possible.(Yes even flying without wings. It's something called jumping)
-source LawLies

CODA
Okay although this post is like LONG AS!! I need to add one more thing before I finish this off. Before those three epic years started, I was nothing more than a shy guy who was afraid of change. After changing heaps I realised that changing isn't all that bad, as long as it's for the good.

Shit happens you can't stop a river from flowing soo don't try. Let it change, you might see a better world or future. Also, you should never focus on the bad of the world, always focus on what's good. Generally speaking, there is more good than bad in this world if you can focus past the bad things.

Footnote
Yeah so, I didn't know where to add this into the post but i wanted to add it somewhere so yeah.
This is more of a shout out.
Every year i met a lot of important people
Starting from yr 8, it was Shaw and Johnny. In yr 9 was Kevin(even though i met him in 2008), Cindy, and Ellen. In yr 10 was Mimi and Tiffanie.

Edit(18/12/2011)
Went through this post to fix any grammatical errors. I got better at English. MAN I FAILED SO MUCH(GRAMMATICALLY). I skipped a few hads here and there because I don't have much time to edit this.