Book 2

I guess no one will ever know... unless they somehow found this blog, So far there has been two people that I've told. I guess everyone out there is the same, we all have deep dark secrets that we want to hide, we have feelings that we can't express and the worst part about these feelings/secrets are that you can't tell anyone because no one would be there for you...No I'm not going to post my dark feelings/secrets on here.. since I like to keep things on a positive note but I will however post something from my past that I finally realised yesterday while in bed.

So yesterday i realised out many things...
when i was little even though I was the MOST anti social kid in school for my year(i didn't realise that now.. I realised it as a kid) i still had haters amongst my year(not naming any names) and well that faggot was my friend for several years... i guess i was desperate for friends at that time(lol I let him know he was my friend-nemy.. and enemy and a friend),but i was lucky to find some people, some people that tried to support me here and there but you know... kids are kids we give up easily. THANKFULLY I managed to meet a few groups throughout my primary school life... some were just ass-holes who used people for the sake of using people... while others were nicer.

i have to thank the nice people for where i am today... the teachers and those nice people helped me see the light. yes i was one of the luckier ones who managed to get through primary and not contemplate suicide even though i was so anti social. lol come to think of it I can't believe that I was a cocky cunt even though I was the quiet one.

so to sum this post up... I got back stabbed three times, once in yr 3 or 4 while lending my so called friend my GBA console. the second one was when a different friend hacked my runescape account and gave it to one of his friends all because i said "runescape is boring now i kind of stopped playing"(or something on thoose lines... that same so called friend hacked my maplestory account and again while in yr 6 within the last few weeks of school(which i was so grateful.. that i didn't have that long left) where another so called friend talked shit about me behind my back all because he thought i stole popularity(when all I did was hang out with different groups as i grew up..) and because of that i lost my best friend, who was my best friend for 2 years, year 5 to 6.

k so the second one i just wrote wasn't as serious as the other two but i was a hardcore gamer at the time... gaming was pretty much my life.

Yeah i just felt like getting that off my chest because you know.. although it's in the past... i never learnt from it... so now i want to revise it and learn something from it

pretty much if you guys/girls are still confused about what I've learnt from it... then here is the summary
- I learnt that there's always a light out.. you just have to be brave enough to find it
- If you ever feel back stabbed then leave them behind and find new friends
- If you could never fit in.. then it's a good thing... it means you're different
- and finally there are ALWAYS nice people in this world... it's just their the images get distorted because of the bad people around them or if not then the bad people around the world

headphones..

Soo yesterday i went out to get my headphones and well... i wouldn't say its the best sounding headphones out there but it's still pretty damn good... the style was the phillips ear gear shl5003... yeah  it doesnt look good in public nor at home but its a pretty dayumm good sounding one, however at first when i listned to it i couldn't get used to the bass but after about 30 minutes to 1 hour i got used to it... if anyone out there is planning to buy one then buy one.. i got mine for about 34 dollars at dicksmith while they were on sale :D lucky me.

and no they do not go over your ear but they go on it...(since theres no hole for it to go in)< thats what she said LMAO...

If you don't have anything to worry about then worry about other people

So today i just came to a realisation that no matter how hard i try i can't seem to find anything about myself to worry about.. besides physical health wise and my ego LOL(it made me feel kind of empty)... yeah soo after realising that(finally), i realised that i didn't have to worry about myself i can worry about other people...

it took me ages before i realised this..

So moral of this post is: If your not carrying anything heavy then carry the other person's weight.. after all two is better then one

fark! im soo tired of all this T_T

So i just wanted to say that... i'm getting sick of my lifestyle... and everything around me...

i've been trying to become less lazy but all i end up doing is procrastinating.. and i've become much worst then what i used to be...and yeah because of a few people i havn't been able to do homework and stuff

FARKING RAGE!! FML!!! T_T

Okay so first things first...after the holidays i kind of realised that the trip wasn't all that bad. i guess it was just me over reacting about stuff(since i was super stressed at the time)

k next thing is T_T i want someone to rant too >.<... Reason: I lost AU$50( WHICH IS A SHIT LOAD OF MONEY) in vietnam... and my mum even reminded me to be careful with it == i wish i knew where it droped or who got it, UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SON OF A B!?!@. grrrr == im still pissed like crazy but yeah. i think i just need time to cool off.

Second thing thats making me really pissed(it wouldnt have made me all that pissed but because of the $50 thing, it added on to my rage! So after i found out i lost my 50 dollars, i went searching all around me... and still no luck, so i gave up and rolled my sleves down, when i rolled it down i realised that the elastic area had been stretched too much and now the elastic cannot contract anymore which is double fml... and i used that area to keep my hands warm(also I've only worn that shirt once)

and i still cant get all the rage out because i had to supress it for over 11 hours...

and the rest of the day was as followed
- i missed out on the ch outing
- due to the lost of $50 and the fact that i missed out on an outing made me lost both fun and money...(lose lose situation ><)

I want to become more awesome

I want to become awesome, with or without help,... there have been many many things i've regreted, however i swear i will become better, i will do everything right, i want to know how to do things properly without help

 

i want to become stronger(Posted on the 1st of April)

i want to surpass all obstacles...i want to win... i want to make it to the end, i wont give up...

i want to become stronger..
i NEED to become stronger...