Fail-safe environment

Can't think of a better name for this, but, that's the name as of currently. I might change it later.

Today I had an interesting idea. The idea is simple. Have an environment (not necessarily physically) where you can fail one million times, and still feel like they're inching towards their goals. Something where you don't feel pressured to have to succeed. Success should come naturally through hard work and dedication. I feel like this environment would be better suited for when you are trying to learn new skills, or gain new knowledge, etc. Take any exams or assignments in most first world countries. You learn content for one term or one semester, and you take a test or do an assignment based off what you've learnt. Seems like an okay concept. The problem is teachers only go over this content once. The rest is expected from the student to study -- even if the student does not understand or know where to look for the answer. Going over content once is fine. Just... it just needs to be executed right. e.g. not going too fast or not emphasising important information enough.

I would also like to add that this includes environments where people can avoid that awkward feeling. Much like how you feel when you're doing something weird around a friend. You just don't feel it.

Why did I come up with this idea?

Initially, I started talking to a friend. I explained a study¹. I blanked out half way and stopped talking because I realised was talking. I don't talk much in case anyone is wondering. For most people, the 'I just realised I was talking, and now it is dead silent.' would be awkward, if you are talking to someone you recently met or do not know too well. My knowledge, from watching many videos, and reading material about confidence, lead me to just push on and not say "Shit. I forgot what I was going to say next." Instead, I just took a moment to regain my composure and continued talking. Happened twice. Once with someone I just met, and recently with a friend.

As mentioned above, this can be kind of awkward. However, because I was with a friend, I realised that I can make mistakes and that person would not give a fuck.

If you didn't get the point, then it basically means: That's where I got the idea from. Without the feeling of awkwardness, a lot can be learnt. I just put it into a different frame/context for more people to understand it.

To summarise, the idea is to have an environment -- not necessarily a physical one -- that can  accommodate (if that's even the right word) growth. This all needs to happen without the feeling of restrictions; namely: awkwardness, and pressure. ¹ If you google 'The Negative Effects of Income Inequality' you should find a web page with a picture of a monopoly board on it. Other pages also have similar information... but I haven't checked those ones yet. You have been warned.

SO MUCH RELIEF!

Update: I just realised I didn't add much information onto this post. I'm rewriting this whole post. Original post at the bottom in italics.

On the day of when the exam result came out, I was shocked; It was unexpected. I passed by -0.5%. Yes, you read it right, negative zero point five percent. Basically, my friend told me a few days after that it was a considered pass. I initially thought it was rounding up but I could be wrong. Either way, pass ftw. Anyways, my reaction to this was ecstatic. I was literally fist pumping, jumping in the air, smiling like child who had just received a really REALLY REALLY large lollipop. (I didn't use other adjectives because I believed it didn't emphasise it enough.)

Initially, I thought I would fail the subject -- by approximately 3-6%. I actually thought I would fail two of my subjects, but the focus really is on this one subject since it was a freaking -0.5% pass. The main reason to why I thought this, is that I was doing very poorly. I was skipping tests, (Not intentionally, I didn't know they were on.) did poorly on the ones I actually attended, did extremely poorly on the in class exams. I think it was the group assignment that got me 98/100 was the thing that pushed me up to the pass. Thank you older female(I will not name her because I don't know if she wants to be named or not.) that did most of the work. I should have put 31% for her part of the work when we did a peer assessment and everyone else 23%.

Original post
I just.. I'm so happy right now. I PASSED A SUBJECT I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO FAIL!! LIKE OMFG. DO YOU KNOW HOW HAPPY I FEEL RIGHT NOW?!

Hate and Growth

First off, the title is misleading. This usually is associated with "Hate fuels growth." This isn't the case with this particular post. So onto the real post.

In the past, I used to hate mainstream song, because other people hated it. I guess I was a sheep. I started liking some mainstream songs again, realising that I actually like some of them. Though I don't listen to them much, for the reason of not supporting massive companies. Here's how I realised. Everyone remember the song Friday? The song that everyone hates? Yeah. That one. I hated it too. Gosh that was bad. I still dislike it but I just kind of ignore it now, since it doesn't really affect me in any way. Also, If I don't like the song, i'm not obliged to listen to it. Well... She released a new song called Saturday. Now don't think this was an unoriginal song. It was funny as hell if you got most of/all the jokes. This new song was to mock the song Friday. Many people did not understand this. Roughly 40% if you looked at the dislike bar, and quite a number of people if you read the comments.

That dislike bar says a lot about people. Most of them actually came from Friday(For future readers, Friday was released about 2 years ago when she released Saturday). However, on the flip side, you can see about 60% of people actually have brains, and understand the jokes.

Anyways, I got off track there. So basically, after realising that I had a hate that was cultured from society, I stopped hating and grew. I started thinking for myself a bit more. It was a lot more difficult to how I made it sound in this post, but that's the general idea. So I guess my message to you is to  have your own brain and don't follow bandwagons. I can think of other bandwagons too. Think of Amanda Todd. She died because of bullying. There was an uproar about her. A lot of other people have suicided due to bullying as well. Did they get the attention they need? No. Will bullying stop? No. Obviously I can keep on going to things like deaths in Africa due to starvation/malnutrition, but i'm not going to.

My point is, don't follow bandwagons or ideas because they are popular and you just want to follow the crowd. Follow an idea or a reason based on your beliefs. If you currently don't have any, like I did, just take a few moments -- whether minutes, or hours, or even days -- to think about whether you want to follow this idea. Even if that idea might be a bandwagon. Learn from your hate and mistakes, and take them as a lesson for future usage. Well... this took a dark turn.

Yeah. Still sort of working on my grammar. Sort of.

Not knowing much about life.

So there is lots that I don't know. Recently, I found out that I have a poor understanding of the world. This has been proven time and time again, by several people. Some a CEO of a company, some friends of an online game. I tend to not listen to my parents, because I just don't like to. Not a very good reason, but you know... it's a reason built into my brain.

An example that happened just a few minutes ago, was me understanding the trading post of the Guild Wars 2 game. Obviously, most of these insights I already knew from reading about. There was lots of conflicting arguments, and well, we agreed that we had our methods. I just ended up saying my method was the lazy method(Since I don't really want to spend more than 5-10 minutes on the trading post daily). During this moment in time, people form my guild told me things about economics and the stock market(because I brought up the topic of learning stock market and economics). One member warned me that some guy lost 2 million dollars(real life cash) in playing the stock market, and he is addicted to it. His dad doesn't care because he is rich. Someone else did say to me, long term investments are fine. This topic went on for about another minute or two.

This made me realise that I don't actually understand much about how the world works, and the dangers associated with it. Much like my misconceptions about the stock market, I should be cautious of any new ideas I may have.

You know what's amazing.

I can't seem to concentrate, and just want to play games when my parents are around. Mainly, my mum. Tomorrow I have an exam at 3pm. For about an hour, I was able to concentrate... until my mum came home. Then I just could not be bothered learning, and just ended up playing games.

A man with no regrets.

I'm on a train. A thought occurred to me. I don't regret anything i've done to date. I don't regret gaming so much, though it's making me struggle at uni. Strange though. Manly people tend to regret so many things in life, but I don't. Honestly, I think it's because of me telling myself "it's what I wanted at the time."

I don't know. I should start regretting more.

Another thought.

Let's cut to the chase. Short titles that are informative =

• Awesome
• Easy for referencing

I'll add more to the list if I can think of any.

Just a thought.

Anger

I guess it's inevitable. Anger. Missed opportunities. I feel really angry. WHY THE HELL DO I KEEP MISSING OPPORTUNITIES. WHY CAN'T I BE FAST ENOUGH TO REACT TO IT!

Just a thought.

We say to our children, students, peers, etc. that we can grow regardless of conditions. We just have to try harder. I'm just curious about that. Obviously people say be realistic, but that's the point. In biology, a creature or plant can only flourish in certain conditions. Hence why certain plants only grow in certain conditions. For example, the green sour mangoes you buy at local fruit shops, will only ever sell during spring, if I am correct¹. Most animals will either die our after a couple of millions or billions of years if the conditions are not optimal for their growth and survival. Yet the opposite can be said if the conditions are optimal for their growth. Their population will grow, the species will outmatch any other competition in the area, and their prey population will be reduced in numbers.

I'm just saying, just because everyone tells you something is correct, doesn't make it right. Remember, " if nine intelligence analysts came to the same conclusion, it was the duty of the tenth to disagree. No matter how unlikely or far-fetched a possibility might be, one must always dig deeper." Quote from World War Z²

It's just a thought. I could still be wrong. Though the conditions needs to be right for growth, that's why, some days you feel like nothing and cannot change, while for other days, you feel on top of the world and can accomplish anything.

One more note. I wrote this at close to 3am, so if there are mistakes, please point them out so I can analyse them tomorrow.

¹ I'm an IT student; I'm not a farmer, so don't expect me to get the facts 100% right. Please check the actual facts yourself. I'm not entirely sure myself when the actual season for green mangoes are.
² Fuck you Harvard style reference. I am not wasting my time with your methods.

-

Why i don't work well in a classroom
- Though many people do not judge you when you're in a class, the expectation of having to work limits your thinking capacity.
- Also, the loudest person is often thought to be the correct one. However it is not always the case.
- Just anticipating being call on by the teacher and the noise alone can stop someone from doing work.

Strange or not. I don't know.

Ever since I started university, my hate for long articles have grown tremendously. I'm not too sure why it has grown, but I can only assume it has to do with uni being completely different from high school. I used to never like reading long pages of information before, but I could bare with it for a while if I had to. Even just now, when I look at the links of "Scholarly articles" on Google, it just makes me cringe. I don't know if it's shock of never reading that many pages in my life before, or it was the structure of the article.


Now... I know this has no coherent flow to it, but please excuse this because I am writing this at 2am.

Take a risk.

If I ever wanted to start a company, my mantra would be "Take a risk." In case you guys were wondering, "Wtf is a mantra?" It's basically a slogan for your employees. It's not for your customers. Took me a few weeks to find that answer. The reason why I brought this up was because I had to.

Passion. Enjoyment. etc.

In the past few years(probably more), there has been a lot of talk about 'following your dreams', or 'find your passion', etc. This post isn't going to be about tips on finding your passion, but rather what i've realised.

Recently -- actually, it's at this exact moment in time -- i've realised that i'm only enjoying myself when studying IN a classroom(excluding lectures). When i'm actively learning in a classroom with the help of teachers is when i'm actually enjoying myself. If I have trouble with a question... np. Just ask the tutor. The problem lies within homework. I can't seem to get myself to focus on homework for whatever reason. I think it is because the lack of help from home and at uni. Yes, I realise that uni isn't about being spoon fed. I also know that the whole point of uni is about 'education'¹. Yet they don't help you learn that much. Yes, they provide content, but they don't explain it as best as they can.

Example or fig 1... whichever one floats your boat:
I'm in class learning constructors. By the end of the class, i don't understand wtf a constructor is.² It's not until I start googling it that I find out what it is. It took some time to understand but I finally was able to differentiate between a method and a constructor and actually understood what a constructor is.

I don't know. I guess I'm just burnt out from high school and now burnt out from uni. I'm not used to the transition. I want a gap year but I don't know how I will plan it.

I'm sick of it all right now. Uni is hard. I don't know if it's me being a dumbass or being lazy.

G G C ah(GG cya)³


End notes.
¹ Education is in quotation marks because I question what I learn in uni. Questioning whether the university is about learning. It's mainly due to my programming fundamentals class. I can probably learn this online and learn faster than in class. + it's more interesting when you learn by yourself.

² There's also a possibility that it was because I was barely awake in class.
³ Trying a new outro for when I start making videos.

Mother fucker...

That is all. I just wanted to vent my rage on this website.

ayeeeemunaa:

Do you ever feel
Like you don’t know what’s going on anymore. Like you don’t care about anything anymore. You’ve lost motivation to do anything. Your mind is set on too many things that you are confused about your feelings, and you can’t explain how you feel either. The feeling of emptiness, and feeling that barely anyone is there for you. Feeling that no one understands you anymore. And it seems like there is nothing to look forward to anymore.

Found on tumblr and has soooooo much truth in it.

Old post. Thought I'd bring it up again.

Day 5: Self reliance.

Most of you guys may or may not have heard the term "Self reliance" before (I seriously do not know the statistics behind this.) However, if you have never heard of it before, then what it means, is just being reliable on yourself -- in the most basic of terms.

Why I want to build this aspect within myself is that, I don't want to always put things off until the last minute any more. It was fine from year 7 to 11, but once year 12 hit, it had devastating effects. I mean come on, 69.15 ATAR? That's pretty shitty. Luckily, I got into UTS in a VERY good course. Note: VERY is in caps because I couldn't think of a better word. I can only assume if I keep putting things until the last minute, the stress will just overload and... boom; A panic attack.

Luckily, these days, I've been realising a lot of things. Still not self reliant, but learning a lot in the process. There isn't much I can say about this topic, except that it is a very useful trait to have. If you have it, you'll become a greater person than before. That is all. 

Those moments

You know those moments in your life where you just realise something so BIG that it changes your mindset forever? I just had one of those. I recently(30 minutes ago) realised that life is fucking hard. I used to say "Life isn't hard, you just suck." as kind of a joke thing. Suddenly, I've realised this through my dad. He works hard day in, day out for the family to get along. We aren't the richest family out there, but sure as hell, my parents, and sisters work hard to get by.

I think one of my many goals in life is to make lots of money so that my family can enjoy the good life. You know... The life where you don't have to work past 50? The life where you sit alongside your pool, while sipping on a cold glass of beer/lemonade(whichever one tickles for fancy).

My goal is to own a company and own 1,000,000 dollars in my bank by 20 or 21. Ideally, 19 would be even better. That's all for today folks. I know it's a short post, but what can you do about it when you have nothing to write about.

A theory.

I've come to the conclusion that shorter is better. Think about it. Would you rather read something that's written as:

• To allow a website to be accessible, easy to use, and allow the users to enjoy the content, you must allow every aspect of your website to be easily accessed, by either letting that person have the ability to click one link and lead them directly to the webpage.

OR

• Everything one click away = Good. Hard to nagivate = Bad.

You tell me. My opinion is clearly on the 2nd one. It's much easier to read and if you don't have much time and it's just easier to read because it's not long-winded. I've become a fan of sign posting.

Day 4: Doing things

Today, for me, focuses on doing things, and not just thinking about it. I theorise a lot about how to do certain tasks, but never actually do it. For example, I want to be an entrepreneur, but i'm not looking for any sort of job or experience in business or being "The Boss" or anything similar to that. I don't know what kind of investment I want to make, or want to create. However, I spend a lot of my time, theorising how or where I could start, without starting.

I'm so tired of turning a blind eye.

Mainly to certain situations(I would never turn a blind eye to someone who would actually need help) that revolve around me. I'm so tired of not saying anything when I know something is wrong.

Life is getting harder

Recently, the move from high school to uni has made me feel a lot more scared than any shift before. From primary to high school was relatively fun, but this is just too much for me to handle. I do enjoy uni because it's more free, but I also hate it because there's a lot of work, and I'm not used to the system just yet. Considering i'm studying IT, there will be lots of changes over the period of my study. So, you can imagine how much effort I have to put in compared to a business student. I maybe should have studied law, or something similar, but i didn't due to not getting a high enough ATAR.

Maybe i'm just scared of being an adult. Maybe all it really is, is me missing being spoon-fed by my parents. I'm not going to lie, I miss high school. I knew I would, I just didn't realise it would happen this soon. Compared to the primitive society, where the goal was only to survive and replicate, this one has made it so much more complicated in order for it to work.

The split

Currently, i'm thinking about what or where I want to go in the future. One part of me says I should go into video making(probably not the right term). Another part of me says I should go in IT; programming, designing websites, anything IT related. Yet a different part of my body/mind, says I should go into business, but of course there's also this one part of my brain that says to me, "You should go into Event managing." One last part of me tells me to become an investor, because of my merching experience in games(clearly not completely relate-able in real life, due to several reasons) . Also, a while ago, part of me wanted to be a museum curator... but I dropped that idea due to reasons i'll explain in the pros and cons list.

Now, let's look at this in a structured way.

1. Video editor
2. IT related job e.g. programming, designing a website, etc...
3. Business related job.
4. Event manager.
5. Investor 

Let's go about this the way they taught you in school.Pros verses Cons.


1) Video Editing

Pros of being a video editor:

•  Fun and Challenging.
• You can work with one team for the rest of your life (e.g. JKFilms). In terms of the editing bit, not the acting bit... that shit needs new people all the time.
• It's a creative art, you're only limited by imagination.
• If you get paid for it, time that is dedicated into making videos, is not considered to be a waste.
• You can always be learning new things while editing a video.
• The work place can be fun.

Cons of being a video editor:

•  If you have a low spec. computer, you're basically fucked. It'll be too laggy to work with.
• Can be tedious at times.
• Getting that timing correct is seriously one of the most annoying things you will ever have to deal with in life.
• The jobs out there are pretty competitive... but there is YouTube.
• It costs money to buy soundtracks/certain video clips, or to develop your own soundtracks.
• It is initially hard to find funding.

2) IT related job

• Lots of options
•  It is literally limitless the things you can do on a computer.
• Worry about the business world, and the ethics related to it.
• Can be worked from anywhere(sometimes).

Cons:

• Lots of options... is also a negative one because you might not know where to head for a job.
• Constantly changing. Might be hard to keep up.
• Hard to learn, but once learnt, it is powerful knowledge.
• Lots and lots of jargon, code, structures to remember. Kind of like learning a new language.

This post probably won't be finished, so I'll just post it anyways. IT IS 2:28AM here right now. So I may never finish this post.

Baby steps

I just realised how much I hated baby steps. Not the song, because that is one of the best songs, but taking small steps to achieve a goal. It just takes too long. My personality is; I want to get from point A to point B in the shortest time possible. If it takes too long, I'll probably get bored of it.

I want to put myself in the deep end as often as possible. I want to feel the pressure that builds up and work on making that feel on a much smaller scale than what it really is. I want to feel like I can do anything one day and not be completely scared.