Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Conundrum

Once again, I am writing this at 4am. I think I need to remove this habit.

Today I realised I had a problem. I was doing nothing with my life. How I realised this was simple. I once applied for an internship at a company. In my opinion, it went really well. The problem with what happened is that I did not follow it up yet. It has been over 1 month and I didn't email them back about what kind of position I would want. Now, I know some of you guys would be thinking "Omg! What the hell man ??!?! Work for yourself! Take risks, challenge yourself, etc." I would normally agree with you, but honestly, with the lack of experience that I have, I don't think taking risks is appropriate at this stage in my life. I just don't have the knowledge to talk to people. To convince them to do things. I know the best way to do this is to just try to lead a team. However, the team itself needs to be willing to stick with you to the end. Off topic, but I am a really indecisive person.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I lack the followup. I can start something so well, but once it hits mid-game, i stop. Not bothering to improve any further. I'm not sure if it's me thinking: "I shouldn't be wasting my time with this. I should be doing something to improve my job aspects."

At least I have overcome my gaming addiction/compulsion. The last time I played a game for 8 hours straight was last year.


Side note: I fucking hate this laptop :/. No secondary/right mouse click button(right click exists, but it's so hard to use) and the touch pad is just painful to use. This laptop copies Macs too much. I'll give you guys the model name tomorrow when I check the box. Edit: Laptop was a HP Envy

Friday, December 27, 2013

Fail-safe environment

Can't think of a better name for this, but, that's the name as of currently. I might change it later.

Today I had an interesting idea. The idea is simple. Have an environment (not necessarily physically) where you can fail one million times, and still feel like they're inching towards their goals. Something where you don't feel pressured to have to succeed. Success should come naturally through hard work and dedication. I feel like this environment would be better suited for when you are trying to learn new skills, or gain new knowledge, etc. Take any exams or assignments in most first world countries. You learn content for one term or one semester, and you take a test or do an assignment based off what you've learnt. Seems like an okay concept. The problem is teachers only go over this content once. The rest is expected from the student to study -- even if the student does not understand or know where to look for the answer. Going over content once is fine. Just... it just needs to be executed right. e.g. not going too fast or not emphasising important information enough.

I would also like to add that this includes environments where people can avoid that awkward feeling. Much like how you feel when you're doing something weird around a friend. You just don't feel it.

Why did I come up with this idea?

Initially, I started talking to a friend. I explained a study1. I blanked out half way and stopped talking because I realised was talking. I don't talk much in case anyone is wondering. For most people, the 'I just realised I was talking, and now it is dead silent.' would be awkward, if you are talking to someone you recently met or do not know too well. My knowledge, from watching many videos, and reading material about confidence, lead me to just push on and not say "Shit. I forgot what I was going to say next." Instead, I just took a moment to regain my composure and continued talking. Happened twice. Once with someone I just met, and recently with a friend.

As mentioned above, this can be kind of awkward. However, because I was with a friend, I realised that I can make mistakes and that person would not give a fuck.

If you didn't get the point, then it basically means: That's where I got the idea from. Without the feeling of awkwardness, a lot can be learnt. I just put it into a different frame/context for more people to understand it.

To summarise, the idea is to have an environment -- not necessarily a physical one -- that can  accommodate (if that's even the right word) growth. This all needs to happen without the feeling of restrictions; namely: awkwardness, and pressure. 1 If you google 'The Negative Effects of Income Inequality' you should find a web page with a picture of a monopoly board on it. Other pages also have similar information... but I haven't checked those ones yet. You have been warned.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

SO MUCH RELIEF!

Update: I just realised I didn't add much information onto this post. I'm rewriting this whole post. Original post at the bottom in italics.

On the day of when the exam result came out, I was shocked; It was unexpected. I passed by -0.5%. Yes, you read it right, negative zero point five percent. Basically, my friend told me a few days after that it was a considered pass. I initially thought it was rounding up but I could be wrong. Either way, pass ftw. Anyways, my reaction to this was ecstatic. I was literally fist pumping, jumping in the air, smiling like child who had just received a really REALLY REALLY large lollipop. (I didn't use other adjectives because I believed it didn't emphasise it enough.)

Initially, I thought I would fail the subject -- by approximately 3-6%. I actually thought I would fail two of my subjects, but the focus really is on this one subject since it was a freaking -0.5% pass. The main reason to why I thought this, is that I was doing very poorly. I was skipping tests, (Not intentionally, I didn't know they were on.) did poorly on the ones I actually attended, did extremely poorly on the in class exams. I think it was the group assignment that got me 98/100 was the thing that pushed me up to the pass. Thank you older female(I will not name her because I don't know if she wants to be named or not.) that did most of the work. I should have put 31% for her part of the work when we did a peer assessment and everyone else 23%.

Original post
I just.. I'm so happy right now. I PASSED A SUBJECT I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO FAIL!! LIKE OMFG. DO YOU KNOW HOW HAPPY I FEEL RIGHT NOW?!

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Hate and Growth

First off, the title is misleading. This usually is associated with "Hate fuels growth." This isn't the case with this particular post. So onto the real post.

In the past, I used to hate mainstream song, because other people hated it. I guess I was a sheep. I started liking some mainstream songs again, realising that I actually like some of them. Though I don't listen to them much, for the reason of not supporting massive companies. Here's how I realised. Everyone remember the song Friday? The song that everyone hates? Yeah. That one. I hated it too. Gosh that was bad. I still dislike it but I just kind of ignore it now, since it doesn't really affect me in any way. Also, If I don't like the song, i'm not obliged to listen to it. Well... She released a new song called Saturday. Now don't think this was an unoriginal song. It was funny as hell if you got most of/all the jokes. This new song was to mock the song Friday. Many people did not understand this. Roughly 40% if you looked at the dislike bar, and quite a number of people if you read the comments.

That dislike bar says a lot about people. Most of them actually came from Friday(For future readers, Friday was released about 2 years ago when she released Saturday). However, on the flip side, you can see about 60% of people actually have brains, and understand the jokes.

Anyways, I got off track there. So basically, after realising that I had a hate that was cultured from society, I stopped hating and grew. I started thinking for myself a bit more. It was a lot more difficult to how I made it sound in this post, but that's the general idea. So I guess my message to you is to  have your own brain and don't follow bandwagons. I can think of other bandwagons too. Think of Amanda Todd. She died because of bullying. There was an uproar about her. A lot of other people have suicided due to bullying as well. Did they get the attention they need? No. Will bullying stop? No. Obviously I can keep on going to things like deaths in Africa due to starvation/malnutrition, but i'm not going to.

My point is, don't follow bandwagons or ideas because they are popular and you just want to follow the crowd. Follow an idea or a reason based on your beliefs. If you currently don't have any, like I did, just take a few moments -- whether minutes, or hours, or even days -- to think about whether you want to follow this idea. Even if that idea might be a bandwagon. Learn from your hate and mistakes, and take them as a lesson for future usage. Well... this took a dark turn.

Yeah. Still sort of working on my grammar. Sort of.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Not knowing much about life.

So there is lots that I don't know. Recently, I found out that I have a poor understanding of the world. This has been proven time and time again, by several people. Some a CEO of a company, some friends of an online game. I tend to not listen to my parents, because I just don't like to. Not a very good reason, but you know... it's a reason built into my brain.

An example that happened just a few minutes ago, was me understanding the trading post of the Guild Wars 2 game. Obviously, most of these insights I already knew from reading about. There was lots of conflicting arguments, and well, we agreed that we had our methods. I just ended up saying my method was the lazy method(Since I don't really want to spend more than 5-10 minutes on the trading post daily). During this moment in time, people form my guild told me things about economics and the stock market(because I brought up the topic of learning stock market and economics). One member warned me that some guy lost 2 million dollars(real life cash) in playing the stock market, and he is addicted to it. His dad doesn't care because he is rich. Someone else did say to me, long term investments are fine. This topic went on for about another minute or two.

This made me realise that I don't actually understand much about how the world works, and the dangers associated with it. Much like my misconceptions about the stock market, I should be cautious of any new ideas I may have.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

You know what's amazing.

I can't seem to concentrate, and just want to play games when my parents are around. Mainly, my mum. Tomorrow I have an exam at 3pm. For about an hour, I was able to concentrate... until my mum came home. Then I just could not be bothered learning, and just ended up playing games.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

A man with no regrets.

I'm on a train. A thought occurred to me. I don't regret anything i've done to date. I don't regret gaming so much, though it's making me struggle at uni. Strange though. Manly people tend to regret so many things in life, but I don't. Honestly, I think it's because of me telling myself "it's what I wanted at the time."

I don't know. I should start regretting more.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Another thought.

Let's cut to the chase. Short titles that are informative =
  • Awesome
  • Easy for referencing
I'll add more to the list if I can think of any.

Just a thought.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Anger

I guess it's inevitable. Anger. Missed opportunities. I feel really angry. WHY THE HELL DO I KEEP MISSING OPPORTUNITIES. WHY CAN'T I BE FAST ENOUGH TO REACT TO IT!

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Just a thought.

We say to our children, students, peers, etc. that we can grow regardless of conditions. We just have to try harder. I'm just curious about that. Obviously people say be realistic, but that's the point. In biology, a creature or plant can only flourish in certain conditions. Hence why certain plants only grow in certain conditions. For example, the green sour mangoes you buy at local fruit shops, will only ever sell during spring, if I am correct1. Most animals will either die our after a couple of millions or billions of years if the conditions are not optimal for their growth and survival. Yet the opposite can be said if the conditions are optimal for their growth. Their population will grow, the species will outmatch any other competition in the area, and their prey population will be reduced in numbers.

I'm just saying, just because everyone tells you something is correct, doesn't make it right. Remember, " if nine intelligence analysts came to the same conclusion, it was the duty of the tenth to disagree. No matter how unlikely or far-fetched a possibility might be, one must always dig deeper." Quote from World War Z2

It's just a thought. I could still be wrong. Though the conditions needs to be right for growth, that's why, some days you feel like nothing and cannot change, while for other days, you feel on top of the world and can accomplish anything.

One more note. I wrote this at close to 3am, so if there are mistakes, please point them out so I can analyse them tomorrow.

1 I'm an IT student; I'm not a farmer, so don't expect me to get the facts 100% right. Please check the actual facts yourself. I'm not entirely sure myself when the actual season for green mangoes are.
2 Fuck you Harvard style reference. I am not wasting my time with your methods.