Mother fucker...

That is all. I just wanted to vent my rage on this website.

ayeeeemunaa:

Do you ever feel
Like you don’t know what’s going on anymore. Like you don’t care about anything anymore. You’ve lost motivation to do anything. Your mind is set on too many things that you are confused about your feelings, and you can’t explain how you feel either. The feeling of emptiness, and feeling that barely anyone is there for you. Feeling that no one understands you anymore. And it seems like there is nothing to look forward to anymore.

Found on tumblr and has soooooo much truth in it.

Old post. Thought I'd bring it up again.

Day 5: Self reliance.

Most of you guys may or may not have heard the term "Self reliance" before (I seriously do not know the statistics behind this.) However, if you have never heard of it before, then what it means, is just being reliable on yourself -- in the most basic of terms.

Why I want to build this aspect within myself is that, I don't want to always put things off until the last minute any more. It was fine from year 7 to 11, but once year 12 hit, it had devastating effects. I mean come on, 69.15 ATAR? That's pretty shitty. Luckily, I got into UTS in a VERY good course. Note: VERY is in caps because I couldn't think of a better word. I can only assume if I keep putting things until the last minute, the stress will just overload and... boom; A panic attack.

Luckily, these days, I've been realising a lot of things. Still not self reliant, but learning a lot in the process. There isn't much I can say about this topic, except that it is a very useful trait to have. If you have it, you'll become a greater person than before. That is all. 

Those moments

You know those moments in your life where you just realise something so BIG that it changes your mindset forever? I just had one of those. I recently(30 minutes ago) realised that life is fucking hard. I used to say "Life isn't hard, you just suck." as kind of a joke thing. Suddenly, I've realised this through my dad. He works hard day in, day out for the family to get along. We aren't the richest family out there, but sure as hell, my parents, and sisters work hard to get by.

I think one of my many goals in life is to make lots of money so that my family can enjoy the good life. You know... The life where you don't have to work past 50? The life where you sit alongside your pool, while sipping on a cold glass of beer/lemonade(whichever one tickles for fancy).

My goal is to own a company and own 1,000,000 dollars in my bank by 20 or 21. Ideally, 19 would be even better. That's all for today folks. I know it's a short post, but what can you do about it when you have nothing to write about.

A theory.

I've come to the conclusion that shorter is better. Think about it. Would you rather read something that's written as:

• To allow a website to be accessible, easy to use, and allow the users to enjoy the content, you must allow every aspect of your website to be easily accessed, by either letting that person have the ability to click one link and lead them directly to the webpage.

OR

• Everything one click away = Good. Hard to nagivate = Bad.

You tell me. My opinion is clearly on the 2nd one. It's much easier to read and if you don't have much time and it's just easier to read because it's not long-winded. I've become a fan of sign posting.

Day 4: Doing things

Today, for me, focuses on doing things, and not just thinking about it. I theorise a lot about how to do certain tasks, but never actually do it. For example, I want to be an entrepreneur, but i'm not looking for any sort of job or experience in business or being "The Boss" or anything similar to that. I don't know what kind of investment I want to make, or want to create. However, I spend a lot of my time, theorising how or where I could start, without starting.

I'm so tired of turning a blind eye.

Mainly to certain situations(I would never turn a blind eye to someone who would actually need help) that revolve around me. I'm so tired of not saying anything when I know something is wrong.

Life is getting harder

Recently, the move from high school to uni has made me feel a lot more scared than any shift before. From primary to high school was relatively fun, but this is just too much for me to handle. I do enjoy uni because it's more free, but I also hate it because there's a lot of work, and I'm not used to the system just yet. Considering i'm studying IT, there will be lots of changes over the period of my study. So, you can imagine how much effort I have to put in compared to a business student. I maybe should have studied law, or something similar, but i didn't due to not getting a high enough ATAR.

Maybe i'm just scared of being an adult. Maybe all it really is, is me missing being spoon-fed by my parents. I'm not going to lie, I miss high school. I knew I would, I just didn't realise it would happen this soon. Compared to the primitive society, where the goal was only to survive and replicate, this one has made it so much more complicated in order for it to work.

The split

Currently, i'm thinking about what or where I want to go in the future. One part of me says I should go into video making(probably not the right term). Another part of me says I should go in IT; programming, designing websites, anything IT related. Yet a different part of my body/mind, says I should go into business, but of course there's also this one part of my brain that says to me, "You should go into Event managing." One last part of me tells me to become an investor, because of my merching experience in games(clearly not completely relate-able in real life, due to several reasons) . Also, a while ago, part of me wanted to be a museum curator... but I dropped that idea due to reasons i'll explain in the pros and cons list.

Now, let's look at this in a structured way.

1. Video editor
2. IT related job e.g. programming, designing a website, etc...
3. Business related job.
4. Event manager.
5. Investor 

Let's go about this the way they taught you in school.Pros verses Cons.


1) Video Editing

Pros of being a video editor:

•  Fun and Challenging.
• You can work with one team for the rest of your life (e.g. JKFilms). In terms of the editing bit, not the acting bit... that shit needs new people all the time.
• It's a creative art, you're only limited by imagination.
• If you get paid for it, time that is dedicated into making videos, is not considered to be a waste.
• You can always be learning new things while editing a video.
• The work place can be fun.

Cons of being a video editor:

•  If you have a low spec. computer, you're basically fucked. It'll be too laggy to work with.
• Can be tedious at times.
• Getting that timing correct is seriously one of the most annoying things you will ever have to deal with in life.
• The jobs out there are pretty competitive... but there is YouTube.
• It costs money to buy soundtracks/certain video clips, or to develop your own soundtracks.
• It is initially hard to find funding.

2) IT related job

• Lots of options
•  It is literally limitless the things you can do on a computer.
• Worry about the business world, and the ethics related to it.
• Can be worked from anywhere(sometimes).

Cons:

• Lots of options... is also a negative one because you might not know where to head for a job.
• Constantly changing. Might be hard to keep up.
• Hard to learn, but once learnt, it is powerful knowledge.
• Lots and lots of jargon, code, structures to remember. Kind of like learning a new language.

This post probably won't be finished, so I'll just post it anyways. IT IS 2:28AM here right now. So I may never finish this post.

Baby steps

I just realised how much I hated baby steps. Not the song, because that is one of the best songs, but taking small steps to achieve a goal. It just takes too long. My personality is; I want to get from point A to point B in the shortest time possible. If it takes too long, I'll probably get bored of it.

I want to put myself in the deep end as often as possible. I want to feel the pressure that builds up and work on making that feel on a much smaller scale than what it really is. I want to feel like I can do anything one day and not be completely scared.